What If?
by Lemon-Chan84
Summary: If doing something irrational meant saving someone you love, would you do it? Why is there no victory without sacrifice? What if Time Compression was meant to happen? Not a true crossover, but small FFX elements are included. *Hiatus terminated *
1. Starting Anew

Hello all! Thanks for reading my first published story. I finally found the nerve to post it so be nice! In case you didn't know, I don't own anything except the storyline and dialogue. All characters and such belong to their respective parties… blah blah.

_Make a wish, take a chance, make a change._

_And breakaway._

_--Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson_

_**Chapter One**_

Rinoa turned around in front of the full length mirror, inspecting her uniform again. Ever since she decided she wanted to become a SeeD, she felt the need to be perfect. Her desire was becoming somewhat compulsive. _Just one more touch…_ she thought to herself while pulling her long, raven hair into a tight ponytail. Just as she gave herself a nod of approval, Headmaster Cid's voice came over the intercom.

"Good morning, Garden. At this time I need all incoming SeeD cadets to report to the Quad…"

_Well, this is it._ She turned the doorknob and silently prayed that her crew of friends would be occupied; she wanted her decision to be a surprise. To her relief, most of the hallways were deserted, save for the other new cadets. The Headmaster always made it a point to schedule cadet orientation after the morning rush of established students, and for that she was thankful. Rinoa couldn't count the number of times she had walked through these halls, yet this time felt different, almost new. A wave of nostalgia washed over her as she remembered being the "new kid" in an unfamiliar school. Reflecting on old memories brought along old feelings of nervousness. _Maybe this wasn't such a good idea to keep this a secret. Will Squall be angry when he finds out? What about the rest of the guys? Will they be mad, too? _Just when she was about to turn and go back to her dorm, a familiar voice called her name. Thank Hyne for Xu.

"Hi Rinoa!" Xu called out. "Ready to start your first day?"

Rinoa slowly shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. I guess…" She murmured.

"Don't worry about it. Everyone has the first day jitters. It'll be fine." She placed her hands on the new cadets shoulders, squeezing gently for support.

"Were you nervous your first day, Xu?"

"Nervous? I was terrified!" Xu laughed. "Just between you and me; I was so scared, I threw up on Nida's shoes!" That brought a much needed giggle out of Rinoa. After their laughter died down, Rinoa hugged the older mentor. "Thanks, Xu."

"No problem. Hey, you better hurry or you'll be late!"

"Wish me luck!" Rinoa called behind her. Xu smiled to herself while shaking her head. _The old throw-up story works every time. _

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rinoa walked into the Quad to find a few dozen new faces spread out amongst five rows of chairs placed in front of the stage. Some talked in small groups while others sat alone, looking as lost as she felt. She opted to sit in the center near the back next to a brown haired cadet. They exchanged tight smiles while a younger cadet who looked to be about seven turned around to face Rinoa.

"You're kinda old to be a new cadet, aren't you?" The freckled faced boy blurted out, looking Rinoa up and down. Her pending tirade was interrupted when the girl next to her slapped the boy on the head. "Shut up, Billy! Momma taught you better than that!" She sighed and turned to the offended Rinoa. "I'm sooo sorry about that." She cut her eyes menacingly over to the boy and back to Rinoa. "My brother is what you would call 'stupid.' Please forgive him." While she talked, Billy imitated her the entire time, earning himself another scolding from his older sister. "I'm Kirsten, by the way." She extended her hand, which Rinoa shook warmly.

"I'm Rinoa." Their introduction was cut short when the Headmaster entered the room, shortly followed by the Commander himself. While Cid was dressed in his usual attire, Squall wore his official SeeD uniform.

Rinoa couldn't help but blush at the sight of him and tried desperately to conceal her smile. The flutters in her stomach had turned from those of nervousness to those of excitement.

"Good morning, everyone," The Headmaster began. "I am Cid Kramer, Headmaster of Balamb Garden, and this is Squall Leonhart, Commander of Operations." Squall gave a curt nod to the group, obviously bored with the idea of attending a cadet orientation. The Headmaster continued with his speech. "Let me be the first to welcome you to Balamb Garden. You are about to embark on a journey…" The sound of Cid's voice was slowly being drowned out by her own thoughts. _Squall always did look great in his uniform. It's a shame he never wears it. _Rinoa thought to herself while studying Squall. She found herself starting to undress him with her eyes, yet he still hadn't noticed her.

"…give the chance for the Commander to introduce himself." The audience's soft chuckles caused Rinoa to snap back to reality. Her heart pumped wildly in her chest as Squall approached the podium. He took a deep breath, preparing to recite his memorized speech, when a pair of chocolate brown eyes locked with his.

"Rinoa…?" He mouthed, shocked into silence at seeing her in cadet orientation. _What is she doing here? She isn't a cadet, is she? And why didn't she tell me? _He thought. Meanwhile, all eyes were now turning in her direction, hoping to see what or who was making the Commander freeze. When Squall still didn't say anything, the Headmaster cleared his throat, hoping to catch his attention; however it was still captured by the raven-haired girl in the center of the crowd. Rinoa looked around and smiled nervously, beginning to blush under his gaze. Her eyes returned to his and she mouthed "Say something!" to him.

Squall shook his head and cleared his throat, finally being released from the trance he was under, and greeted everyone. "Good morning, everyone. I am Commander Squall Leonhart, and I would also like to welcome you to Balamb Garden. Here you will become one of the finest mercenaries the world has to offer." He looked directly at Rinoa. "But I must warn you that the journey will be difficult, often it will be dangerous," He lowered his voice. "And sometimes it can be deadly." He turned his attention back to the group. "But with your fellow cadets, SeeDs, and instructors by your side, it will also be the most memorable journey of your life. I am confident that with hard work and determination, you too will join the ranks of SeeD." With that, he turned and left the room and the Headmaster returned to the podium.

"Thank you, Commander. By now you should have all received your handbook on Garden's policies and code of conduct…" Rinoa's thoughts once again drowned out the Headmaster voice. _I think he was sending me a message. The way he looked right at me, I'm almost positive that he was. But that means he was warning me on what to expect. Does that mean he's okay with this? _"…inform your instructor of any electives you would like to take. You all have the rest of the day at your leisure, but first thing tomorrow morning, you will begin training. If there is nothing else, dismissed!"

Rinoa jumped out of her seat preparing to run and find Squall to verify her thoughts.

"Wow!" Kirsten piped, gaining Rinoa's attention. "That Commander guy is hot, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he sure is…" Rinoa responded wistfully. She couldn't get angry at the poor girl. She had no idea that he and Rinoa were involved…Sort of. Besides, the girl looked to be only fourteen. Rinoa could now face disciplinary action if she started an altercation. _Are we involved?_ She thought to herself._ I mean he never formally asked me, but sometimes we act like we're dating. And there was that one time I slept in his room…_

Kirsten continued to ramble on. "I wonder if he fights alongside the rest of the SeeDs. I would follow him into battle any day! Maybe he's an instructor, too! That would be awesome if I was in one of _his_ classes… Rinoa, are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Huh?" _Damn, I wasn't even listening._ "Uh, y-yeah, I'm fine!" She feigned a smile. "I'll see you around, Kirsten." The younger girl shrugged to herself at Rinoa's sudden change, then waved cheerily. "Okay! See you around, Rinoa! Hey, maybe we'll have a class together!" She called out. It fell on deaf ears as Rinoa made her way to Squall's dorm room.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Squall grabbed his usual gear out of the closet, preparing to change out of his restricting uniform. _I hate this thing…_ He thought with contempt of the offending garment. _It's too hot, it's too confining, and it's too tight around my neck. _He pulled at the neckline hoping to stretch the stiff material. _I wouldn't even have worn the damned thing had Cid not wanted me to 'display a military-like appearance' yet he walks in there in a sweater vest and khakis. Maybe I'll make some changes to the uniforms… _His internal rant was interrupted by a soft knock at the door. "Come in, Rinoa." He called without looking behind him. Slowly the door opened and Rinoa poked her head in.

"How did you know it was me?" She asked tentatively.

"Because no one else knocks like you." He stated plainly. She raised an eyebrow at his observation. "Both Irvine and Zell bang on the door, Selphie knock is somewhat strange, and Quistis knocks like the police." He clarified.

"Really? I never noticed." She was silent for a moment while watching him dress and sat down on his bed. "And how do I knock?"

He paused, searching for the right words. "…Softly." He stated finally. "You knock like…you want to get someone's attention, yet you don't want to disturb them."

"Wow Squall, I never knew you were so observant." Rinoa teased.

"I'm trained to be observant. Many soldiers have been killed because they didn't notice their enemy until it was too late." He said while pulling his shirt over his head. Rinoa's smile faded when he turned to her, an unreadable expression covering his face. "I also _observed_ you sitting in cadet orientation earlier. What was that about?" He asked. He really wasn't angry at all at the fact that she had probably enrolled as a cadet. He actually thought she looked cute in the uniform. However, he wasn't pleased with the fact that she had kept it from him.

"Surprise!" Rinoa spread her arms out wide hoping that he would go along. Unfortunately his face wasn't changing. "S-surprise?" She tried again. For a split second, she saw the tiniest of smiles.

"Congratulations, Rinoa." She squealed in response, hugging him around his waist.

"Thanks, Squall!" Just as soon as the moment began, it ended.

"Whatever."

Rinoa inhaled his scent and slowly pulled away. "Now all I have to do is look over my schedule and…"

Magic 101!?

***

Sorry if this moves a little slow at first. I promise it will get more interesting in later chapters. Reviews are greatly appreciated.


	2. What Am I To You?

Hello again! I know I just posted but I write way in advance. Thanks to Xianghua4kilik for being my first reviewer. Thanks to everyone for the support thus far. Sorry if Squall is a little OOC. Everything has a purpose. I'll throw some 'whatever's' in there later to balance it out. =)

_Every night I cry, every night I sigh_

_Every night I wonder why you treat me cold_

_Yet you won't let me go…_

_--Every Little Bit Hurts, Alicia Keys_

_**Chapter Two: What Am I To You?**_

"MAGIC 101?!" Rinoa wailed in Squall's ear. As soon as she woke up the next morning, she marched straight to his office and slapped her schedule on his desk. "I'm a sorceress for Hyne's sake! I should be teaching that class!"

Squall sat in his chair effectively holding in his smile. "Rinoa, Magic 101 is a standard, _required _course for all SeeD cadets."

"But Squall, I'm a SORCERESS! Can't you do anything about this? I mean, you _are _Commander, can't you make it so I don't have to go?"

Squall sighed. She was not going to make this very easy for him. _If she really wants to do this, she REALLY has to work on her subordinance. _"I don't make the rules, Rinoa, I enforce them."

"You mean you follow them blindly?" She contested.

_That is it!_ Squall stood quickly, causing his chair to roll backward and Rinoa to jump. "Need I remind you that you are now a cadet of Balamb Garden and are therefore punishable for insubordination? I have put _**SeeD's **_on latrine duty for doing less than what you are doing now. What do you think I would do to a cadet?" His tone was deadly serious. Rinoa was taken aback. Squall had snapped at her before, but this was different. Never had he threatened her with anything, even if it was only latrine duty. Neither spoke as Squall stared her directly in the eye, daring her to contest him again.

Rinoa was the first to break eye contact but not before he saw tears forming within the brown depths. Taking a deep breath, she met his eyes once more. She then gave him a salute, making her heel click loudly on the marble floor. Without another word, she turned and left, slamming his door behind her.

The Commander heaved another sigh and retrieved his chair from across the room. _She has to learn to control herself or she'll never make it. I was right, wasn't I?_ He thought to himself. No matter how hard he tried to forget about what had just happened, the guilt he felt continued to eat away at him, making him question his own actions. _Was I too hard on her? She did have a valid point; she knows basically everything about magic, if not from being a sorceress, then from what we taught her along the way. But I can't give her special privileges just because she's my… _He stopped himself. Finally realizing that he was not going to get anything done in his current frame of mind, he grabbed his Gunblade from the side of his desk. Battling T-Rexsaurs in the Training Center were better than sitting around battling his inner thoughts.

______________________________________________________________________

_**Hours Later…**_

Rinoa slouched further in her seat while she listened to her instructor explain, for the forth time, how to junction a GF. She couldn't understand how what was second nature to her was so difficult for over half of the cadets in the room. In the same time that it took her classmates to learn what a GF was, she had already found and junctioned with her new Guardian. Just as she was beginning to nod off into a peaceful sleep, a soft ping sounded from her laptop. Sitting up slightly, she read the message. _'Griever is requesting IM Chat.' Wow. You mean he actually is initiating a conversation without being forced to? I'm shocked._ She was still seething from him snapping at her and seriously debated whether or not to accept his IM. _I swear to Hyne, if he gives me any shit I am going to cast Stop on him and make him listen to me yell all night._ With a sigh, she accepted his request.

Griever: hey

AngelEyes: what?

Griever: r u free?

AngelEyes: no. I'm in class learning how 2 junction. remember, im a lowly cadet?

Griever: …I need 2 talk 2 u

AngelEyes: bout what?

Griever: bout earlier

AngelEyes: I don't wanna hear it unless ur saying sorry

Griever: "…"

AngelEyes: bye

Griever: just come see me after class.

AngelEyes: whatever.

Rinoa angrily closed the chat box and again slouched down in her chair, folding her arms. For the second time she was starting to regret becoming a cadet. When she was a civilian, she could ignore his request if she wanted. Now she had to follow his every beck and call no matter how much of a jerk he was being. _Great. Now I'm being summoned to the 'Principals' office. Maybe I should quit. No, Rinoa Heartilly is not a quitter. I refuse to let boring instructors, slow classmates, or a jerk of a Commander/Boyfriend make me quit._ Her mental slip made her really wonder where their relationship was. _Is he my boyfriend? Do we even have a relationship? I mean, I really care about him and all he does is brush me off. Oh Hyne, I'm not a stalker who doesn't know she's a stalker, am I?! Is that why he keeps avoiding me?_ Her thoughts were interrupted when her class was finally dismissed. She closed her laptop and gathered her things to once again confront Squall.

______________________________________________________________________

Squall sat on the edge of his desk, impatiently waiting for Rinoa. He needed to focus on something, _anything _to keep him calm. He opened the top drawer of his desk and pulled out the stress toy Rinoa had given him on his first year anniversary of being Commander. It was the kind where the animal's eyes and nose pops out when you squeeze it. He admitted it to no one but squeezing the plastic toy somehow fulfilled his need to kill something when he was stressed and unable to take a trip to the Training Center. Now was one of those times. When he heard a knock at the door, he quickly threw the plastic toy into the drawer and slammed it shut.

"Come in, Rinoa."

Just as before, she poked her head cautiously into the room, as if waiting for something to jump out at her from the shadows. He found himself watching her hips as she slowly closed the space between them. It was rare that he had the pleasure of seeing her in a skirt, especially one as short as the-_Snap out of it, Leonhart! _He averted his eyes to the floor and rubbed the back of his neck. The last thing that he needed was to be distracted from the matter at hand.

She stopped in front of him and folded her arms. To hell with the military crap, she was pissed. "You wanted to see me, _sir_?" She asked. She didn't even try to mask the contempt in her voice.

"Yeah, um, I just wanted to say-"

Rinoa interrupted him. "Permission to speak liberally?"

He raised an eyebrow. "…Granted…" _Here we go…_

"You know you have some nerve talking to me like that earlier! I don't give a damn what or who you think you are but I'm not some rookie cadet that needs to be put on latrine duty just to make _somebody _feel important! I'm not one of your mindless toy soldiers that don't have an independent thought in their empty heads! I was right and you know it!" He saw her pause as an opportunity to say what was on his mind.

"Rin-"

"You know, I thought that if you cared about someone that their opinion would matter to you."

He tried again. "Rinoa, it does-"

"What am I to you?" She asked suddenly. Her question caught him off guard. _What the hell…_ "What do you mean?" He asked sincerely. She took a step closer to him; the smell of her perfume floated up to his nose, further distracting him. Her eyes flickered between anger and something that he couldn't put his finger on. Was it hurt? But why?

"What am I to you?" Her voice was just above a whisper. "I need to know…Where does our relationship stand? If someone asks about us, what can I call you?"

He was stunned into silence. He didn't know how to answer her question. Even if he did know the answer, his mouth couldn't form the words. Her heady perfume was causing his mind to travel far from the current conversation, and the fury her eyes held… _…Hyne, that's sexy…_

"Squall?" Her pleading voice made him come back to reality.

"…?"

She sighed heavily, exasperated that he couldn't answer her questions. "Forget it." She turned away but was stopped when Squall abruptly grabbed her arm, making her face him again. Without warning, he did the last thing that either one of them could have expected.

He kissed her.

***

Thanks for reading again. I swear this is going somewhere and not just mindless fluff. I forgot to mention that the songs in the beginning of the chapter are kind of what inspired me while writing. A sound track of sorts. Until next time!


	3. Where We Stand

Thanks for joining me again! On with the show!

_Every time you scream at me, I wanna kiss you._

_When you put your hands on me, I wanna touch you._

_When we get to arguing, just gotta kiss you._

_I don't know why it's like that, but you're just so damn sexy_

_When you're mad…_

_--Mad, Ne-Yo_

_**Chapter Three: Where We Stand**_

For the second time in his life, he was doing what his heart told him to do and not what Garden had trained him to do. The first was when he jumped out into space to save the very woman he was kissing now. The feel of her soft lips pressed against his was a feeling that he couldn't describe, yet he couldn't get enough of. At first her body was rigid against his, but it slowly relaxed against him.

_What is this I'm feeling? Why is he doing this to me?_ Rinoa reluctantly pulled away from his warm lips and gazed deeply into his eyes. It was now her turn to do the last thing either of them could have expected.

She slapped him. Hard.

How dare he confuse her emotions like that!

The sound of flesh striking flesh echoed through the large room. Her chest heaved up and down from using so much force so quickly. Squall held his head in the direction she slapped him long enough to the point were she could see his face begin to redden. When he finally turned to face her, his eyes flashed with an emotion she had never seen come from him. _Oh Hyne…He's gonna hit me back…_ Fear began to creep into Rinoa but, being too stubborn to let him see it, she held her ground.

Squall stared directly into her eyes for what seemed like an eternity. The left side of his face was red and beginning to sting, but he didn't care. He couldn't believe she struck him. He also couldn't believe how…much he liked it. The fury her eyes still held challenged him to make a move, and Squall was always up for a challenge, at least when it came to her.

He captured her lips again, this time more urgently. His hands roamed around her waist and made their way beneath her jacket as her arms found their way around his neck, provoking him to deepen their kiss. She pressed herself against his body causing him to moan passionately into her mouth. Rinoa gasped as he quickly pulled her shirt out from around her waistline, ruining her hard work of tucking it in perfectly that morning. His hands were gloved but she could still feel the heat from his fingers seeping through them. She wanted nothing more than for him to take them off so she could feel his skin against hers.

It was his turn to break their kiss. Her lips were slightly swollen from the assault he had put on them. "Squall, what are you-" Rinoa started but was quickly stopped when he began to trail kisses down her neck. Without warning, he ripped her jacket from her body and threw it to some unknown corner of the room, making her gasp again, as she had forgotten how quickly he could move. He brought his mouth to her neck again, this time sucking on it while she ran her finger through his hair. The sensation of what he was doing to her sent heat rushing between her thighs, making her knees weak. Her yellow tie was next to go, as it was getting in Squall's way. From her neck, he began to travel down toward her breasts, the intoxicating fragrance drawing him closer to them.

When he felt her legs starting to give way, he stopped and held her from falling. Once he was sure that she was stable enough to stand on her own, he turned toward his desk. Rinoa looked on in awe as he swept everything that was on his desk, from the lamp to a huge stack of paperwork he was trying work on, onto the floor in one motion. Squall turned back to her and easily lifted her in the air. She flinched slightly as the cold wood met her now hot skin. Certain that now she wouldn't be falling anywhere, he went back to the task at hand. He kissed her inviting lips and just as before, he made a path down her neck. The further south he traveled, the further he eased her down on the desk. She moaned softly as he ground his hips against hers; the feel of his arousal made another wave of heat rush through her body. Never in her life had she felt this way and she never wanted him to stop.

But he did.

Squall had gotten to the third button of her shirt when he stopped suddenly. She opened her eyes and looked at him questioningly. "What's wrong?" She asked. He didn't answer and moved from between her legs. _…What am I doing? _

"Squall? What did I do wrong?" She pleaded.

_What's wrong with me? _He thought as he ran a hand through his hair and looked up at her. She was puzzled as to why he stopped. Her heart went out to him; he had just taken a big step with her, and so suddenly. Her brown eyes were full of concern as they met his troubled ones.

"No, nothing! You didn't do anything wrong!" He said quickly. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel bad because of him. This was by no means what he had planned. Something just came over him. He sighed hard and tried to find the right words to say. He gently placed his hands on her shoulders and tenderly kissed her on the forehead. "Rinoa, I… I want this." he stammered, searching for the right words. "But… Not here. You deserve better than this."

She smiled sweetly at him. "It's okay. I want this too. I don't care where we are."

He frowned at her sudden change of heart. "A few minutes ago you didn't know where we stood."

"I know." She looked down at the floor, ashamed that she had questioned him, that she had questioned _them_. "Nothing was ever said officially, so…I guess I didn't know what to think." she admitted.

"Rin, I care about you so much. But as for what I am to you… I'm not you boyfriend." Just as expected, she went to move away from him, but he stopped her again.

"Let me go!" she pleaded, her voice thick with tears.

Holding her arms tightly, he said, "For once let me finish what I have to say!" Rinoa stopped trying to escape, but she still didn't look at him, her dark eyes pooling with tears. "I am, and always will be… your Knight."

She closed her eyes, overwhelmed by his response. He was right. He wasn't just her boyfriend, he was so much more. The tears she had been holding back slid down her face as she remembered he _did _make it official: _"…Even if the whole world is against you… I'll… I'll be your Knight."_. He placed a finger under her chin and tilted her face toward his, giving her the gentlest kiss she had ever received.

"You should get dressed." he said softly, breaking the trance he put her under.

"…Right." Rinoa buttoned her now wrinkled shirt and tucked it back in while Squall retrieved her jacket and tie from the floor. She quickly re-dressed and headed for the door, leaving Squall leaning against his desk in the same way he had been when she entered the room, only this time paper and debris were scattered everywhere. There goes all his hard work.

"Squall?"

"Yeah?"

She smiled at him. "Thank you." Without waiting for a response, she left the room, closing the door behind her with a soft click.

Squall sighed and looked around at the mess he had created in his moment of lust. _After this, I need a cold shower._

***

This was a fun chapter to write! Hope you liked reading it. Please review and tell me how you like it so far. I would love to hear some feedback!


	4. The Dream

Welcome back! Thanks to Leonsgriever69 for the review. Glad I could surprise you! Another thanks to my readers in the UK and Germany. (I'm goin' global! =P). Anyway, the music to this chapter is called Find Your Way. It's the music in the game when you're in the Tomb of the Unknown King. Find it on iTunes. Ok enough talk. Let the suspense commence!

_**Chapter Four: The Dream**_

_**Back in Rinoa's Dorm…**_

Rinoa was typing another entry into the diary she kept on her laptop. After today's events she felt a sudden burst of inspiration to write until her computer pinged softly, interrupting her from reliving the moment between her and Squall. _This had better be good._ She thought to herself. _'Sunny T is requesting IM Chat.' Selphie!!_ Rinoa wasted no time in accepting her best friend's request.

Sunny T: Hiya Rin! = )

AngelEyes: Selph! where r u guys?

Sunny T: Squall didn't tell u? We're in Dollet for our annual SeeD mission.

AngelEyes: Aww! He didn't tell me. (_I guess I didn't give him the chance to, she thought.) _all of you are there??

Sunny T: yep. Me Zell Quisty and Irvine

AngelEyes: = ( how long r u gonna b gone?

Sunny T: only 4 2 weeks. Not much 2 do since 'the incident' but we have 2 go at least once a year.

AngelEyes: I guess that's not too long. I cant wait til u get back! I have **so** much 2 tell u!

Sunny T: really!? =0 what about???

AngelEyes: Squall and me

Sunny T: Oooooh!! I wanna know! Tell me tell me tell me tell me…pleeeeeeeze!?

AngelEyes: I have to tell you in person.

Sunny T: Awww! ;..(

AngelEyes: Hey it won't be too long. B4 u know it 2 weeks will have gone by. I promise not 2 leave out 1 juicy detail!

Sunny T: OK =) well I have 2 go now. Duty calls

AngelEyes: OK. C u later.

Sunny T: Bye!

Smiling to herself, she closed the chat window. In all honesty, she really did want to spill her guts to Selphie right then and there, but some things were better said in person. She felt like she was going to burst with this new information. Since she had come back to her dorm, all she could think about was Squall; the way he touched her, the way he kissed her, the things he said, even how he reacted to when she slapped him. _Wait a sec… He didn't get mad when I slapped him._ She thought back to that moment. _I slapped him, and he gave me this strange look. I thought it was anger, but… _She began to put the pieces together in her mind. _It was…lust! Pure, unadulterated lust! I think Squall likes it rough!_ She laughed to herself. She thought it out of character for him since he was the quiet type, but it kind of made sense. _I mean, he __**has **__been a fighter just about his entire life. Wow! Squall has a kinky side!_ She giggled again. _Selphie's gonna love this! _Rinoa saved her entry and turned in for the night, with images of her Knight lulling her into a blissful slumber.

______________________________________________________________________

Rinoa looked all around her, finding herself on the serene coast of Balamb. At first she wondered how she had gotten here but pushed the thought out of her mind and enjoyed the serenity. The ocean was beautiful and the sunset was breathtaking, but for some reason she couldn't help but feel like something was terribly wrong. She stood up and brushed the sand from her clothing and looked around again. This time her eyes landed on a figure that was standing a few feet behind her. It was a woman, obviously, from the elaborate black dress she wore revealing her shapely curves. Rinoa couldn't see her face since the hood from the cloak she wore covered it down to her nose, yet something seemed eerily familiar about her. Rinoa was the first to speak. "Excuse me, do I know you from somewhere?" she asked. However the woman did not respond, making Rinoa somewhat uncomfortable. She tried again, "Are you new to Balamb? I'm Rin-"

"I know _exactly _who you are, Rinoa." the woman cut Rinoa off mid-sentence. Even her voice was familiar to her, yet she couldn't quite place where she had heard it.

The lady sighed and lowered her head slightly. "It seems so long ago that I was your age. I was so naïve and full of hope then. I thought I could take on anything." she laughed lightly.

Rinoa took a step closer to her. "Who are you? How do you know who I am?" she asked, becoming more and more irritated that she wasn't answering her questions.

The mystery woman only laughed harder. "I guess some things never change. You really are as naïve as I remember."

"Who are you calling naïve!? I only asked you a simple question and you still haven't answered me! That makes you rude! Now who the hell are you and how do you know me?" Rinoa yelled. She was quickly becoming tired of the head games. The woman's painted lips curled into a cynical smile as she turned and began walking away. "You'll know soon enough who I am." the woman said and turned back toward Rinoa. "But for now, wake up."

______________________________________________________________________

Rinoa woke to the sound of birds chirping happily outside her window. _It was a dream?_ She thought, looking around at her surroundings. She was safely back in her dorm. _What was that all about? Who was that woman? _She ran a hand through her hair. _Oh well. It was only a dream…Right?_ As much as she tried to convince herself that it was in fact just a dream, she still had a nagging feeling that just maybe it was more than that.

Rinoa shook her head in an attempt to rid herself of any ill thoughts the dream brought her and padded to her bathroom. _I guess being the Commanders girlfriend has its perks_. She thought with a giggle. The other cadets all had to share restrooms and showers, non-coed of course.

She turned on the light and promptly disrobed, preparing for a long, hot shower. Just as she was about to step inside, something on her leg caught her eye. _What is this?_ She captured some of the substance into the palm of her hand and examined it more closely. _It's…sand._

***

Short chapter, I know. Fret not: I'll make up for it with the next one. Who is this strange woman? Why is Selphie's screen name Sunny T? When will Squall finally say 'whatever'? Stay tuned to find out!


	5. Assassin's Tango

Hello all! Thanks for joining my little story again. Special thanks to my readers in Canada and Mexico! So, my muse for this chapter was from Mr. and Mrs. Smith. They had a neat scene when they're dancing the tango and beating each other up at the same time. Great Music. iTunes it if you want to listen along.

_**Chapter Five: Assassins Tango**_

For the weeks that followed, Rinoa and Squall had both managed to keep their newfound emotions under control, much to Squall's relief. While it wasn't against Garden policy for them to carry on a relationship, he still felt the need to keep their relationship as professional as possible, at least for now.

In fact it was Squall that was trying to avoid Rinoa. Whenever she was around for too long, she sent his emotions into overdrive, and that scared him. So he kept her at arms length; never far enough to sever their relationship, but never close enough to allow it to blossom. But he didn't know how long he could keep this up without her suspecting something._ I'm sorry, Rinoa. I'm just not ready…_ He turned his eyes away from his computer screen and onto the only picture they had ever taken together and smiled slightly. It was taken on her last birthday during their trip to Esthar. He remembered her squealing with delight when she opened his gift to her--a brand-new digital camera. She was so excited about it that she had insisted they take it with them and record their night out with pictures…of everything. She took snapshots of everything, from the rental car, to the buildings, to Squall stuffing his face with food. When their night was drawing to a close, and she had nearly burned out a pair of fresh batteries, she had asked one of the locals to take a picture of them together:

Rinoa had fussed over her appearance sans mirror for what seemed like forever, followed by her straightening his clothes and moving his hair away from his face. Squall silently let her, as he knew opposing her would only make her do it longer. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and finally the picture was taken (only their upper bodies could be seen, meaning Rinoa's fussing over her skirt was for nothing.) The gentleman handed the camera back to her and her face instantly brightened.

"You smiled!" she squealed with delight and showered him with praise and kisses. It was a minute half-smile, but a smile nonetheless. Needless to say, Squall Leonhart does **not **smile. But if this was the result when he did, he may have to rethink his policies…

"Would you like to know what I see from your picture?" The taker of the photo asked politely.

"You mean you can tell our future from seeing a picture?" Squall shook his head as Rinoa's question, opting again for silence.

The old man chucked. "No, sweet cherub. My name is Professor Barton. I study psychology with an interest in body language." He signaled them both to come closer and Rinoa handed the camera back to him. "You see how your heads are tilted towards the other? It shows dominance and means you both vie for the upper hand. I bet you two butt heads quite often." Rinoa laughed and Squall smirked at this truth. He outwardly looked aloof but Squall was quite interested now.

"What else do you see?" She asked.

"Well, you're positioned slightly behind his body. You want him to protect you, and from his assertive posture, he's doing it." Squall raised an eyebrow as he continued listening. "Your arm around her shows possession; marking your territory, if you will. Meanwhile, your grasping his shirt is saying the same thing, yet you're afraid he may abandon ship. But not to worry, he's not going anywhere. The look on both of your faces say that you are comfortable and content right where you are."

"Wow! All that from a photo!"

"Merely observance. You and your Seraphim will be just fine." The old man smiled.

Squall finally voiced his curiosity and asked, "What's a Seraphim?"

"An angel of the highest regard whose light shines so brightly a human is unlikely to see it. Your job is to keep negativity away from divinity." _Like a knight protects a sorceress from evil…_ Rinoa thought. "And you, sweet cherub, are a guardian of the light and an angel of boundless love and knowledge."

Rinoa thanked the Professor for his kindness, then turned back to Squall. Her chocolate eyes sparkled with fascination…

_You looked so beautiful that night._ He sighed. Once again his thoughts were preventing him from getting anything done. He needed to see her. He couldn't explain the sudden need to be with her, but he could deny himself no longer.

But…

He needed an excuse. For the last few weeks he only came to see her if it was something relating to Garden. He admitted some of his reasons were slightly fabricated, but he had a reason all the same. If this time were any different, she would know something was up. Squall looked back at the computer screen. Before his thoughts were sidetracked, he was in the middle of going through a list of cadets that were on or in danger of academic probation; a list that Rinoa just so happened to be a part of. She was failing miserably at Close-Quarter Combat, a required course. _If it isn't one problem, it's another…_ He thought. As for her problem with having to take Magic 101, or as she called it; Magic for Dummies, he had struck a deal with her. He promised that if she completed 25% of the course without a problem, he would put her into Advanced Magic. She kept her end of the bargain as he expected, and he kept his promise, much to her delight. Problem solved.

This problem, however, was a bit tougher. Rinoa had always been more apt at using magic, even before she had become a sorceress, but he couldn't save her from this one as he did before. The course was designed so that she wouldn't be defenseless if she were ever unable to use magic or weapons, a skill that allowed many a SeeD to survive.

Like a lightning bolt, an idea came to him. He would tutor her, personally. That way he could help her, and himself. He locked down his computer and headed straight to her dorm. If he was lucky, she would still be there.

______________________________________________________________________

"Can you explain to me again why we're here?" Rinoa groaned. It was the first thing that had been spoken since they had left Garden. Squall had came to her dorm and simply stated that they were going to train without leaving her any room to protest. The short ride they had made was made in silence.

"You're failing CQC. If you don't pass, you can't become a SeeD." he replied, the tough leather of his gloves creaking as he pulled them on tightly. They were in the forest next to the mountains of Balamb. The sun was harsh today but most of the rays were blocked by the dense foliage of the trees, yet there was hardly a breeze to be found.

"Well, did we have to do this out here? It's hot! We could have done this in the Training Center. You know, the center where you go to _train_?"

"Would you rather do it in the Fire Cavern?" _Bad choice of words, Leonhart._ She rolled her eyes in response. "Good." He actually agreed with her. It was a rather hot afternoon and he was already beginning to sweat. "Now if you're finished _bitching_ can we start training?"

Rinoa stood from her seat in the grass, straightened her white tank top, and narrowed her eyes at Squall. "Excuse me? What did you just say?!"

"I said exactly what you heard me say." Squall knew from the beginning that he would have to provoke Rinoa into fighting. She was peaceful by nature and would need some assistance in getting into the fighting mood. "I'm warning you that I'm not going to go easy on you just because you're a woman."

Rinoa rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

He smirked at the irony. "I believe that's my line." He cracked his neck and got into his fighting stance. "Are you ready?" His feet were shoulder-width apart, he had one hand fisted at his waist, and the other open and extended with his elbow bent slightly. Impatiently, he waited for her to do the same.

With a huff, she mimicked his actions, holding her fist at her waist and the back of her other hand touching the back of his. "Ready." she mumbled half-heartedly.

"You're not ready." he frowned.

"I _**am **_rea-" Rinoa's sentence was stopped when her back abruptly slammed to the hard ground. Squall sneered over her. "You're _**not **_ready. Your stance is lax. I've seen Blobras hold a better stance than that!" He watched her as she came to her feet. He wanted to help her up badly but that would be showing concern. He wanted her to think he was being a complete ass as it was the only way to get her to do what she needed to do. "Try it again."

Once again, they got into their stances, only this time Rinoa was paying a little more attention. As soon as their hands touched, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her forward. When her body was at his side, he swept his right leg under both of hers, once again knocking her to the ground.

"Oww!" She landed with a thud. "You're doing that on purpose!"

"So you noticed?" He watched her come to her feet again. "Try it, _again_. Stand firm. Don't wait for me to make a move or you'll end up on your ass again." He smirked when her nose flared, a sure sign that he was testing her patience. This time around he waited a little longer, hoping that she would heed his words. They stood staring at each others for what seemed like an eternity to Squall. He grabbed her arm, and for the third time that day, Rinoa ended up on her back, and not in a way that she wanted to be.

She rubbed her back in agony as she looked up at him. "How many time do you plan on doing that?" she whined.

"As many times as you're lazy enough to let me. Get up." She stood to her feet and dusted off her clothing. "If you need a change of pace, I'll make sure you fall on your face next time."

She took her stance and looked at him with contempt. "You know, for a Knight you sure are an asshole!" She grumbled.

_It's working. _He frowned further. "Bad move." Just as before, he grabbed her arm and yanked her forward. This time he turned his body slightly and swept her legs from under her in the opposite direction. Just as promised, she met the ground face first.

He began to worry when she didn't move for several moments. The dirt around her head was disturbed when she let out an exasperated breath. She had hit the ground so hard that it had caused an abrasion on her chin, which was starting to bleed.

"Squall, do we have to do this?" she asked into the ground.

"Yes!" he barked.

She turned over and sat on the ground. "But this isn't fair! You're way more experienced than I am!"

Squall folded his arms. "Do you think an enemy is going to wait for you to level up? No, and neither will I!" He said quietly.

"That's it! I'm out of here! I have better things to do on a Saturday afternoon than to fuck off with you!" She got up and dusted off. "It's too hot, I'm sore now, thanks to you, and I'm about to die of thirst. So if you'll excuse me, _Commander_, I'll take my leave." And with that, Rinoa stomped off.

_And now for the coup de grace._ He let her get halfway to the end of the clearing they occupied before he made his move. He brought a hand to his forehead; a bright blue light began swirling all around him before it was pulled into his body. With a smirk, he extended his hand. "_Waterga!_"

________________________________________________________________________

It seemed as if all the air in her lungs left Rinoa's body as gallon upon gallon of icy water crashed against her from all angles, making her scream in shock. When the torrent finally subsided, she whipped her head around to face him.

"You _bastard_!" she screamed.

"I have another one of those, if you're still thirsty."

"You told me not to junction!"

Squall laughed evilly in response. "I know exactly what I told you." His eyes traveled of their own accord down her now drenched frame. The white tank top she wore was now see-through, exposing her black undergarments. Since the water hit with such force, it caused the material of her clothing to stretch and hang loosely on her body, also exposing her cleavage. Luckily for her, the sweatpants she was wearing had a drawstring that was tied tightly around her waist, preventing them from traveling south.

Rinoa marched back over to Squall, who was smugly celebrating his victory. "Rin, do you need a hair dryer?" Without further warning he cast Aero on her, which did in fact mostly dry her hair. He had to give her one thing; she was highly resistant to magic. Anyone else would have buckled under his Waterga spell.

Running an angry hand through her hair to straighten her damp locks, Rinoa got into her fighting stance. It was the best one she had made all afternoon. "You wanted a fight. Now you've got one!" she said coldly.

Squall exhaled and resumed his stance, looking into her eyes. They were black with fury, just as they were in his office. _No, not now. Rinoa, please don't look at me like that…_ he pleaded inwardly. An arousal would only inhibit his ability to focus. He examined her closely until a stray bead of sweat caught his eye. His eyes followed it as it ran down past her eye, along the side of her cheek, under her chin, and finally traveling down into the valley between her breasts. The distraction didn't go unnoticed by Rinoa; it gave her just enough time to swiftly jab him in the eye and return to her previous position.

Squall stumbled backward, holding his right eye. _When did she become so quick?!_ When he finally looked at her, she was grinning. "You faltered, Squall." she stated smugly.

He righted himself and shook his head. "And you're finally learning. Next time, don't stop." He replied.

They resumed their starting position, neither blinking to ensure they wouldn't miss the others next move. This time, Squall had gotten lost in Rinoa's dark eyes. Before he could react, she had grabbed his arm and turned so her back was facing him. Bringing it up and over her shoulder, she flipped him over her back. It was _his _turn to hit the ground.

He groaned in pain. Rinoa stood over him and placed a booted foot on his chest. "Not so smug now, are we?" He narrowed his eyes and smacked her foot off of him. Squall quickly rose to his feet and prepared to fight. Never had he seen her this way before. Even during the Third Sorceress War with Ultimecia she was unsure, always looking to him for strength and reassurance. For the moment, they shared a common ground. For the moment, they were equals. For the moment, she was a fighter. It was the only thing he could think of that made her sexier than he already found her. It was also the only thing, at least in this fight, that would be his downfall. _Hyne help me,_ he silently prayed, yet he had a sinking suspicion and yearning hope that his prayer wouldn't be answered.

______________________________________________________________________

For the minutes on end that followed, the couple exchanged blow after blow, their intensity being enhanced by something Rinoa could feel in the air. Each time she looked into Squall's eyes, she could sense it. She could tell he was going easy with her, even though she was bleeding slightly from her mouth because of a cut lip, and she knew she would leave today with several bruises. But earlier he seemed more focused than he is now, as if he were preoccupied with something.

Rinoa moved out of the way just in time as the back of his hand almost forcefully met her face, making her fall backward. As soon as she hit the ground, she swept his legs from under him. Quickly coming to her feet, she cocked her leg back and slammed it into his side, flipping him over to lie on his back.

"HA!" she exclaimed triumphantly, spitting the blood that had pooled in her mouth behind her, and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

He had yet to get up. Holding his side, he looked up at her. "So, you think you've gotten the best of me?" he smirked. Rinoa's smile faded as she watched him lift his legs over his head and spring to his feet. Closing his eyes, he cracked his neck again. When he opened them, Rinoa saw a glint of a now familiar emotion. It was the same one she had seen that day in his office. He wanted her. His lips wouldn't say it, but his eyes did. They screamed it loudly.

_There it is again! That look!_ For a moment they stood there, taking the other in with their eyes. Rinoa's eyes traveled from his unruly brown hair, to his damp face, to his tight neck, down to his defined chest that flexed when he folded his arms. She figured he did that just to give her a show. From his chest she looked at his rippled abs that were showing since she had ripped his black tank during their last tussle. She tilted her head slightly when her eyes finally caught his now obvious arousal. He didn't even seem to want to hide it, and even if he wanted to, it would be impossible since he had opted to wear loose sweatpants instead of the tougher fabric of his jeans.

"Like what you see?" he asked quietly. After all, Rinoa had been staring blatantly at his erection.

Meeting his eyes, she raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't you like to know." she contested, just as softly. Squall slowly took a step toward her, and Rinoa took a step back. He made a sound that resembled a laugh. "Scared?"

"No…" She stood firm as he closed the space between them. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were aroused, Squall."

"Now wouldn't _you_ like to know." he retorted. She narrowed her eyes and threw a punch at his face. Unfortunately for her, he caught it, twisted it behind her, spun her around, and pushed her against the nearest tree; face first.

The sexual tension in the air could be cut with a knife. _Leave it to Squall to sexualize something as primal as fighting. Then again, isn't sex just as primal?_ She thought. With his free hand, Squall moved the hair from her neck and began to kiss her, pressing his arousal firmly into her backside. Suddenly the cuts and bruises she would leave with were worth having this moment.

"You also said not to bring any weapons." she said breathlessly.

"Whatever." he whispered in her ear, making heat rush between her thighs. She struggled against him trying to free her wrist from his grasp as it was becoming quite painful. Without warning he spun her around and pushed her against the tree again, this time with her facing him, making her moan. Squall made the first move and captured her lips in a fierce kiss, causing a moan of pleasure to escape Rinoa's throat. She ran her fingers through his sweat-dampened hair, coaxing him to continue. He traveled lower to her neck, sucking and nipping gently at her skin. Rinoa slipped her hands underneath his shirt, digging her nails into his back and dragging them downward, making him growl in her ear.

Lifting her shirt over her head, Squall dropped to his knees and began tenderly kissing the soft flesh of her breasts. He watched her eyes as he slowly moved the lacy material of her bra from her sensitive skin, exposing her. It was the first time he had seen her, or any woman this way. His touches became tender as he brought her hardened nipple to his mouth and caressed her other breast with his gloved hand.

Rinoa moaned softly in pleasure as he gently assaulted her senses. She arched her back slightly when he flicked his tongue across her hardened flesh. It felt like he was setting her skin on fire with every kiss, with every caress. Wanting to feel his skin against hers, she went to remove his gloves, until he quickly evaded her hands and slid them quickly behind her back. Just when Squall thought he was safe, her hands followed his, attempting again to remove the barrier between them. He tried to remain still, also wanting to touch her with his bare hands, but he moved them again when he felt her fingers sliding underneath his leather gauntlets. "Rinoa, w-wait." he stammered. She stopped all movement at the sound of his voice.

"What's wrong?" She looked into his eyes. With a sigh, Squall nervously fixed her bra back to the way it should be, then picked up her damp tank top and handed it to her. Once she had put it back on, he pulled her into his arms, embracing her tenderly. Why was this happening to him?

"I-I can't. I want to…" he stopped and sighed harder this time. It was always hard to express himself, but the delicate situation he was in made it even harder. "But I can't do this just yet. Not here… You understand, right?" he said the last part in a whisper, part of him was afraid of her answer.

Rinoa drew back just enough to look into his eyes again, and smiled. "I can wait as long as you can. I understand." They embraced again; nothing more needed to be said.

***

Squall's Whatever Count: 1

Another chapter down, many more to post, four chapters left to write, so I'll update soon! Please please review! That makes your opinion known and my writing better!


	6. Teach Me

Thanks to my readers in Australia and New Zealand. My quest for world domination is working! (Did I just say, err, write that?) Special thanks to -Dream-Silver-Haze- for the review! Hope my answer made sense.

_I am ready for love_

_If you'll take me in your hands_

_I will learn what you teach_

_And do the best that I can…_

_--Ready for Love, India Arie_

_**Chapter Six: Teach Me**_

Another beautiful day had graced Balamb's shores. Seagulls could be heard in the distance while puffy white clouds floated lazily by. The oceans waves lapped against the sand at a pace that would lull even the most vigilant watchguard to sleep. Rinoa rested her hands behind her head. She inhaled the scent of the water and let her eyes drift closed.

"Beautiful day, isn't it?" a somewhat familiar voice said behind her, making Rinoa jump. She turned around to find the same woman from her last dream standing behind her.

"You again? Don't you have anything better to do than to harass me?" Rinoa said. It was too nice a day to be bothered and she honestly didn't have the patience to deal with her.

The woman ignored Rinoa's rudeness. "That day was just like this when he was killed…"

Rinoa sat up and faced her unwanted company; her interest suddenly piqued. "When who was killed?" Although she still couldn't see her eyes, Rinoa felt that the woman had a wistful look on her face.

"Someone very dear to me. I miss him so much." she laughed bitterly. "Who says the end of the world can't begin with a gorgeous day?"

"I still think you're annoying, but I wish you didn't have to go through that pain." Rinoa said earnestly, as she could relate to losing a loved one. She remembered all too well when she lost her mother. There was not enough curative magic to ease that pain.

Her temporary companion's crimson lips twitched into a small smile. "Speaking of Knights, why haven't you completed your bond?"

Rinoa looked at her with a puzzled expression. "What do you mean?"

She laughed softly, "Still as naïve as ever. Ask someone who knows." She turned to walk away.

"Wait," Rinoa called after her. "I still don't know who you are."

"You'll know in due time. But for now, wake up."

______________________________________________________________________

"RINOA! OPEN UP!" Rinoa awoke this time to strange banging on her door. She groggily rolled over and looked at her alarm clock. "It's 7 a.m. on a Sunday morning…" she mumbled. Never one to be an early riser, she yanked the covers over her head, silently wishing whoever was banging at her door would go away.

"COME ON! IT'S ME! WE'RE BACK FROM DOLET!" Rinoa's head shot up. _Selphie? SELPHIE! They're back!_ She jumped out of bed, nearly tripping over her sheets, and briefly checked herself in the mirror. _How in the hell did I get sand in my hair?_ She didn't have time to waste thinking of ways to answer that question, one of her best friends was at the door and she had _**so **_much to tell her. Swinging the door open, Rinoa welcomed her comrade with open arms, both of them jumping up and down and squealing with delight. Rinoa's next door neighbor, however, was none too happy with their early morning reunion. Pounding could be heard through the wall and a gruff voice yelled, "Some of us a still trying to sleep!"

"HUSH, MEANIE!" Rinoa yelled back in response. Turning back to her best friend, Rinoa pulled Selphie into her room, slamming the door behind her. "Just wait until you hear this!

**********

Selphie sat wide eyed and crossed-legged at the foot of Rinoa's bed, completely enthralled by everything her friend was telling her. She couldn't believe that the ever shy and timid Squall would ever make the first move, let alone go as far as he had. And so boldly at that! Maybe the three years that had passed had really changed him.

"I really want this to happen, Selph, but I'm scared. I mean, I've fantasized about and dreaded the day at the same time." Rinoa turned her head to look out her window. It was yet another gorgeous day. Her voice softened as she reminisced. "Everything he did to me felt so good, so…right. The way he looked at me, the way he touched me, the way he kissed…"

"Ooh! Someone's blushing!" Selphie teased.

"What?! No I'm not!"

"Yes you are! Rinny and Squally sittin' in a tree, f-u-c-"

"Okay, that's enough!" Rinoa cut in. Even though they had all grown into responsible adults, Selphie always managed to keep some of her childhood intact. Rinoa liked that, even though sometimes it was extremely embarrassing!

After Selphie sobered from her bout of laughter, Rinoa continued, choosing her words carefully. "I um…heard somewhere that a Sorceress and her Knight have to do certain things before their bond was _really_ complete. Have you heard anything like that?" she asked.

Selphie put her finger on her chin in thought. "Hm… Oh, I know! Let's ask Matron, she would know!"

"Yeah! I haven't seen her in so long. I wonder if she has any new kids at the orphanage."

Selphie hopped off the bed and jumped up and down. "Air Trip! Booyaka!" she exclaimed.

"Uh, don't you mean road trip?"

"Duh, I'm a pilot! We're gonna fly there!" she said, rolling her eyes, then bounced out of the room as if she had springs for legs.

Sitting in one of the passenger seats, Rinoa remembered what the woman from her dreams told her before she woke up. '_Ask someone who knows.' If anyone knows about being a sorceress, it's Edea. But how does this dream woman know so much? And why is she helping me? Very few people just help someone else without wanting something in return, so what does she want from me? Who is she?_ The rest of the trip was made in silence, at least from Rinoa. She was too wound up in her own thoughts. For some strange reason, she felt like the events of the last few weeks are building up to something; something big…

________________________________________________

Edea greeted the two young woman when they arrived and exchanged the usual small talk, though Rinoa could hear a note of emotion in the former sorceress' voice. It was good that no children were living at the orphanage at the moment; no children meant no orphans, at least in this area. But no children also meant no sounds of little feet hitting the ground, no giggles throughout the hallways, no boo-boo's to kiss… Rinoa silently empathized with her.

Selphie claimed to want to take a walk along the beach, leaving Rinoa and Edea alone to talk.

"Ms. Edea?"

"Yes child?" she smiled.

Rinoa paused, trying to find the right words. "Have you or Mr. Cid ever thought about having children?"

Edea giggled sweetly. "Now where did that come from?"

"Uh well…" Rinoa stammered, hoping that she didn't offend her. "It's just that it would be nice to see children here again. It doesn't seem complete without them."

"To be honest, I had given up hope on bearing a child long ago. While it doesn't _always_ make a woman barren, the chance for a sorceress to procreate is so slim that it discourages many from trying. I admit that I am one of them."

"But you aren't a sorceress anymore. Maybe you can now."

"Maybe." Edea took a sip of her tea. "Now, what is the real reason for this visit? I'm sure it wasn't to encourage me to 'be fruitful and multiply'." she smiled.

Rinoa had a guilty look on her face. "Is it that obvious?"

"I don't have to be a sorceress to read people, dear. What's on your mind?"

Rinoa sat up in her chair. "Well, I heard somewhere that you have to do certain things to complete your bond with your Knight. Is that true?" she asked.

Edea placed her teacup on the table and folded her fingers gracefully together. "In a nutshell, yes. The bond between a Sorceress and her Knight consists of three parts; mental, spiritual, and physical." Rinoa looked with large eyes, absorbing everything that was spoken. "They are pretty self-explanatory, really. A mental bond is a bond of the minds. You might not always be able to hear it, but sometimes you can _feel_ what the other person is feeling or thinking. At times their emotions become yours. Sometimes I found myself finishing Cid's sentences for him. Cid likes to hear himself talk, so can you imagine how frustrated he was with me when I wouldn't let him?" She chuckled, quickly becoming nostalgic.

"How do you know if you have a mental bond with your Knight?" Rinoa asked.

Edea thought for a second. "Well, I knew that I had a connection with Cid when I learned I could influence his dreams."

Rinoa's eyes widened. "Really? How did you do that?"

"I said 'sweet dreams'." she stated matter-of-factly.

"…That's it?"

"Yes. I just said out loud what I wanted him to dream about, although at that point I didn't realize what I was doing. He told me the next morning that he had had the most wonderful dream the night before. And this coming from someone who doesn't remember what he ate for breakfast, let alone a dream, which led me to think that maybe I had a hand in it. So to test my theory, just when he was drifting off, I told him that Chocobos were out to get him." she paused, a fit of laughter taking over, making Rinoa laugh also. "He was so frightened the next morning! I felt so bad, I told him everything!"

When their laughter subsided, Rinoa asked another question. "How do you know if you have a spiritual bond?"

Edea sobered. "That one is the hardest to decipher of the three. But you will know when your Knight tells you so."

"You're talking in riddles. How does he know what it is, or how to tell me?"

"I remember Cid telling me that when he was away from me, that he would miss me so much."

Rinoa shrugged her shoulders. "But that's not something out of the ordinary. Anyone could tell their lover that."

"True. But he also said that when he was around me, he felt stronger. He said that often times he could feel when I was around. When I asked him how, he said 'I don't know. I just feel it in my _spirit_.'"

"Wow. That's…really deep." She thought for a second. "So what about the last part?" Rinoa asked timidly.

Edea smiled. "I was wondering when you would stop tip-toeing around that one." she laughed. "As you may be expecting, a physical bond is one that is completed when you join bodies….physically."

"…You mean I _have _to have sex with him? I mean, not that I don't want to, but…"

"You mean you haven't already?" she asked calmly.

Rinoa's face felt as if it were on fire. She couldn't believe that she was actually having this conversation with a woman that was old enough to be her mother. "Well…no… We haven't gone that far…yet." she stammered, suddenly becoming fixated on a loose thread on her shirt. "I-I mean, he's _tried _but…"

"But what?" Edea asked when Rinoa wouldn't continue.

Rinoa sighed. "Whenever we would get into that kind of, um…_situation_, Squall never seemed like himself. One minute he would be assertive and just take charge, but the next minute, he would go back into his shell. It's almost as if he has another side that takes over him, then he just…snaps out of it."

Taking another sip of her tea, the older woman was quiet for several moments, making Rinoa more nervous by the second. "Rinoa, when a sorceress and a Knight choose each other, the desire to fulfill all three parts of their bond is ignited. While neither of them may know it, the urge is there nonetheless. Squall's spirit is telling him to complete your bond, but it sounds like his mind is preventing him from carrying it out."

"So what you're saying is that he's thinking too much?" she asked, a slight grin on her face.

"Exactly. It's in his nature to over-think. Whatever reason his mind is giving him to stop, he'll get over it. It'll happen, just give it some time. Completing a bond with your Knight can be the most rewarding and intense thing the two of you can share. But it requires a high level of responsibility. Your job is to protect him as much as his job is to protect you. Do you think you are ready for that?"

As if on cue, Selphie emerged from the doorway smiling from ear to ear. "Hey Rin, you ready?"

Rinoa stood from her seat and stretched her limbs. "Yeah." She took both of Edea's hands in her own. "Thank you, Ms. Edea. You've helped me more than you know."

Edea hugged her in return. "My pleasure. Don't wait so long to come and see me next time!" She saw the girls to the door. "Oh, Rinoa?" she called.

"Yes?"

"As for your first question about children, I'll reconsider the possibility." Rinoa smiled and replied, "In response to _your _question… I'm ready." after boarding the Ragnarok, she turned to her friend.

"Take us home, Selphie!"

Selphie fired up the engines. "Woo-Hoo!"

***

Rinoa's 'Meanie' count: 1

Not much going on in this chapter, I know. At least we know why Squall is acting like a hormonal adolescent… And it's not cuz' I'm a crazy perv and I'm making him… Ok, I'm kinda a perv. =P

Thanks for reading!


	7. One Step Closer

Welcome back! This chapter has some more adult themes, hence the M rating. Believe it or not, it's actually edited. _Seriously edited_. =P Hope you like it.

_

* * *

_

_When you're not here_

_You don't know how much I miss you_

_The whole time on my mind_

_Is how much I'm gonna get to make _

_You feel so good_

_Like you know I could_

_Tell me if you feel the same way… _

_--So Beautiful, Musiq Soulchild_

_**Chapter Seven: One Step Closer**_

Rinoa sat alone by Garden's central flowing water fountain. Without realizing where she was going, she found herself sitting on one of the benches, letting the trickling sound of the water soothe her racing mind. Ever since they had left Edea's house, she had been wrapped up in her thoughts. It was a calm Sunday evening and cadets had the weekend to themselves, meaning she had nothing to do. After several minutes, she decided that she would hunt for Squall since she hadn't seen him all day. She missed him, but she would admit that only to herself.

Rinoa stood from the bench and began to walk aimlessly. _Matron said that Cid could tell when she was near, that he could feel it in his spirit… So would the same work for me?_ Closing her eyes, Rinoa stopped and tried to think of where he might be. Usually Squall was somewhere working, but on the weekends his schedule was unpredictable. Sunday was particularly unpredictable since it was technically his day off except in times of battle…

_Okay, I'm getting nowhere fast. Matron said that Cid could __**feel**__ her presence. Instead of looking for him, I have to feel him out._ Rinoa closed her eyes and exhaled, clearing her mind of everything except her lover. Suddenly her feet began to move of their own accord, and before she knew it, she was in front of the Training Center's metal doors. Trusting her instincts, she avoided as many battles as she could and made a bee-line to the Secret Area. She slowly walked through the doorway and to her surprise, there stood her Knight.

For the life of her, she couldn't logically explain what had just happened. She had just come back to Garden. There was no possible way she could know where Squall was located, yet she found him without even trying. Maybe it was coincidence. Maybe…

"Hey Rin." Squall's deep voice interrupted her thoughts. What startled her more than the fact that she had just found him by feeling out his spirit was the fact that he knew she was there without even turning around. Without responding, she moved next to him and looked warily into his eyes. He was staring out over the low, stone barrier with a pensive look, his expression matching hers.

"How did you know I was there. I didn't knock this time. I didn't even say anything. How did you know?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I just knew."

"How did you know?" she asked again, this time more quietly.

Squall looked at her and shrugged again. "I don't know, I just felt it."

Rinoa was stunned into silence. _I can't believe it. Matron was right. He really can feel when I'm around. That would explain how he always know when I'm at the door… I guess this means that we have a spiritual bond, but what about a mental one? _

The couple stayed in the Secret Area until it was dark, enjoying each others' company. It was rare that either of them had the time to spend alone with each other, especially recently, so they took this opportunity to just be together. Squall found it relaxing just being with her. He was still supposed to be avoiding her, but he couldn't help himself this time. He knew he should leave, yet everytime he had the notion to do that, he quickly dismissed the thought.

"Did I ever tell you your lips are soft?" Rinoa asked suddenly.

Squall blushed. "What?" Maybe he should have left. He didn't know how to respond to that. That was pretty random, even for her. "No, but um… Thanks, I guess."

"Did I ever tell you that I like the way you kiss me?" she asked, feeling a little braver.

"And how do I kiss?" he asked, taking a step closer to her.

"You kiss me like you want me, like you need me."

"I do." he admitted. His tone was low and rumbling from a mixture of desire and fatigue.

She closed the space between them and looked seductively in his eyes. "Show me."

Squall immediately captured Rinoa's lips in a heated kiss, displaying just how much he desired her. Whenever he was near her, he wanted her. It felt as if something was pulling him to her more and more everyday. He couldn't explain it, but when she was around, he felt more powerful, he felt intoxicated, but most of all, he felt complete. Never had he felt this way about another and he never would.

Her eyes remained closed even after he broke their kiss. He smiled to himself at the effect that he obviously had on her and ran a gloved hand through her hair. As much as he wanted to continue, he knew he had to stop this before it got out of hand. "Goodnight, Rinoa." With one last caress, he turned to leave.

"Dream of me?" Rinoa called after him.

He turned back toward her, his bedroom eyes making her body warm. "I will." he said before leaving.

______________________________________________________________________

"Did I ever tell you your lips are soft?" Rinoa asked suddenly.

Squall blushed. "What?" Maybe he should have left. He didn't know how to respond to that. That was pretty random, even for her. "No, but um… Thanks, I guess."

"Did I ever tell you that I like the way you kiss me?" she asked, feeling a little braver.

"And how do I kiss?" he asked, taking a step closer to her.

"You kiss me like you want me, like you need me."

"I do." he admitted. His tone was low and rumbling from a mixture of desire and fatigue.

She closed the space between them and looked seductively in his eyes. "Show me."

Squall immediately captured Rinoa's lips in a heated kiss, displaying just how much he desired her. Whenever he was near her, he wanted her. It felt as if something was pulling him to her more and more everyday. He couldn't explain it, but when she was around, he felt more powerful, he felt intoxicated, but most of all, he felt complete. Never had he felt this way about another and he never would.

He slowly wrapped his arms around Rinoa and brushed his tongue against her lips, silently asking for entrance. She complied and their kiss deepened. Neither could barely breathe but neither cared, the only thing that mattered was this long awaited moment. Squall felt his lower body become rigid when a soft moan escaped his lover's lips as she gave his hands free reign over her body. Without breaking their kiss, he slid his jacket off and let it fall to the floor, followed by hers. Finally coming up for air, he withdrew from her arms and looked over her frame. Her ebony hair blew in the soft breeze, her lips were parted slightly, her face flushed. With steady hands, he unbuttoned her shirt and let it slide from his fingers. Rinoa returned the gesture by pulling his shirt over his head, caressing his body as she did so. She continued touching him even after the shirt was gone, traveling lower and lower until she reached the cold buckles that held his belts together around his waist.

They stared into each others eyes as she attempted to undo his belts. After many failed attempts, he reached down and helped her, undoing them with one hand. The metal and leather belts fell to the ground with a dull thud, and Rinoa continued, opening his pants. They locked eyes again as she tentatively slid her hand inside the stiff fabric and grasped the flesh beneath. Squall felt an intense wave of pleasure run through his entire body at her touch, causing him to moan loudly and squeeze his eyes shut. For several moments his body was paralyzed by the feel of her soft hand against his hardened flesh. At first she teased him, stroking him ever so gently, then finally grabbing him firmly. The sheer pleasure was so intense that he had to grab the barrier to keep from falling.

When Squall finally opened his eyes, he found Rinoa looking up at him with a very satisfied expression on her face. Her chocolate eyes sparkled if she was getting enjoyment from torturing him so. Summoning the strength, he removed her hand form his body and slowly backed her into the nearest wall, resuming their kiss from earlier. It was her turn to moan as he eagerly caressed her breasts, kissing her passionately as he did so. He slid his hands around her body until he reached the clasp of her bra. After moments of fumbling around with it, and even looking over her shoulder to see what he was doing, she reached behind her with both arms and opened it easily.

"You'll get used to it." she playfully giggled into his ear. Just the sound of her voice sent a chill through his body. Then again, she could have said _anything_ right now and it would make him want her more.

Once the offending garment was out of his way, he went back to exploring parts of her that he wouldn't admit to have thought about exploring. Not even to himself. Slowly, he kneeled before her and tenderly slid his hands from her ankles up to the place where her thighs met. Before going any further, he looked up at her, silently asking for her permission. He wanted, needed to know she wanted this as much as he did. She smiled down at him and ran a hand through his hair, giving him the permission he longed for.

Moving his fingers slightly higher, he touched her most sensitive area, making her moan and shudder from his gentle touch. Rinoa rested her head against the wall and again ran a shaky hand through his brown hair. Squall couldn't explain it, but he actually got just as much satisfaction from pleasing her as he would if she were pleasing him, if not more. He looked at her face; the way her brow furrowed when he touched her a certain way, the way her chest heaved up and down with each breath, the way her lips parted slightly with every moan. He then hooked his fingers under the waistline of her panties and slid them from under her skirt and down her silken legs, helping her take her feet out of them. He inhaled deeply, the unique scent of her arousal increasing his own. Squall stood to his feet and captured her lips in another sensual kiss.

Bending slightly, he lifted Rinoa in his arms and she instinctively wrapped her legs around his body to keep from falling. Walking the short distance back to the barrier, he placed her on it gently, her body in just the right place against his now six-foot frame. Had he grown any taller than he had, his idea wouldn't have worked. Rinoa nervously looked over her shoulder and back up at Squall. It was quite a long way to the ground if she so happened to fall. "Don't worry, I won't let you fall." he said in her ear, as if reading her mind, kissing it afterward. She held onto his arms tighter anyway. Squall wrapped one arm around her body, ensuring that she wouldn't fall, and positioned himself at her entrance with his free hand. Locking eyes once more, he stopped just before their bodies touched. Rinoa nodded her head, letting him know that she was ready.

He entered her slowly, carefully, never taking his eyes away from her beautiful face. Once he was fully inside her, he paused, reveling in the feel of her body around his. The sensation was so intense, and he now understood why so many of his male peers were so hell-bent on having sex. But this meant so much more to him. With every move he made it felt as if electricity was running through his body, and the sound of her soft cries only added to his pleasure.

Squall brought his other arm around his lover's body, pulling her closer, and continued thrusting into her. He growled in pleasure when he felt her run her fingernails down his back, making him move deeper inside of her. Bending down, he gently pulled her head back by her hair and began kissing her neck. In the pit of his stomach he could feel his climax drawing near. He was determined to hold off as long as he could, but she wasn't making it very easy. Every face she made, every sound that escaped her lips, every time she dug her nails into his back made his resolve crumble a little more. Just when he thought he was in control again, Rinoa wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer. He could take it no longer. He felt his release drawing near and this time he didn't want to hold back, he couldn't hold back. Unfortunately for him, a loud clap of thunder halted his concentration…and also his dream…

______________________________________________________________________

Never had Squall wanted to stay asleep more than he did that night. Sitting up, he looked over at his clock; 2:23 was displayed in bright, red, mocking, numbers. Although he had been asleep for a few hours, he felt as if he hadn't slept at all. As if on cue, the sensation of pleasure he had felt moments ago returned as he remembered why he wished desperately that he was still dreaming. He sat up and leaned his back against the headboard. He brought an unsteady hand to his erection, grasping it carefully, and groaned loudly in pleasure. Damn her. First she interrupts his thoughts, then she influences his attitude, now she was invading his dreams. For the past three years he had been fine; he could easily control himself around her without a second thought. But now his desire for her was becoming insatiable. He even dared to say that he needed her more than he like to admit.

Squall stroked himself again, only to be disappointed as it didn't feel nearly as good as it did in his dream. He wanted, needed to feel _her_. Finally deciding to take a cold shower, he figured out the only explanation for his recent lack of hormonal control; she put a hex on him. She must have somehow used her powers and cursed him with raging hormones. He turned on the shower and laughed to himself. Who was he fooling? He was sprung the first time he saw her.

Once the cold water had relaxed a certain area of his body, he switched it to hot water, letting it soothe the rest of his tensed muscles. Just when he had finished washing, he paused, feeling that he was no longer alone. Someone was in his room. No, not just someone, _she_ was in his room. He still didn't know how he knew, but it was a feeling that he was sure of. A few minutes later, Squall shut off the shower and wrapped a towel around his lower half. When he reentered his room, his suspicion was confirmed.

There she was. In his bed.

He stood there for a while, just looking at her. She wore a small tank top that left her midsection slightly exposed, and striped cotton pajama shorts. Since her back was to him, he took the time to admire the view. Slowly, she turned to face him and smiled, making him smile back.

"What are you doing in here?" he said softly.

"The thunder woke me up." she replied just as quietly. He could hear in her voice that she had been sleeping. He chuckled softly. Rinoa was never a big fan of thunder, in fact she would complain everytime he made her junction with Quezacotl. Squall on the other hand, loved rainy days and the thunder that often came with them.

"Don't worry. Let me put something on and I'll come back and protect you." he said, smiling. All he had on was a towel around his waist.

"Okay." her tired eyes followed him as he grabbed a pair of boxers from the dresser drawer and went back in the bathroom. Once he was safely behind the closed door, he leaned against it. _I can't get a break. That day in my office, when we trained in the forest, that dream I had… correction, that __**fantasy**_ _I had… And now she's here, in my bed, waiting for me! It's like the forces of nature are conspiring against me! _

Squall pulled on his shorts and walked over to the mirror, taking a long look at himself. _Maybe I should just do it, just walk in there, fuck her brains out, and get it over with! No, she's too good for that. _His scowl deepened. He hated internal conflict. _Who am I fooling? I can't even touch her with my bare hands, and here I am thinking about touching her from the __**inside**__… Wait, is that a grey hair?_

"Squall?" The sound of Rinoa's voice interrupted his thoughts. _Oh, right… she's still in there. _He looked back into the mirror and leaned closer to it, scowling even further. Squall turned off the light and headed back to his bedroom, then stopped. He made a sharp left and grabbed his gloves from his dresser and slid them on. The supple leather was a welcomed comfort.

Rinoa looked up at him questioningly. "You even shower and sleep with your gloves on?"

"Whatever." he sarcastically responded, climbing into bed next to her. "They're very comfortable."

She brought her fingers to her chin and used her best 'Instructor Quistis' voice. "Now Squall, you seem to be covering up the truth."

He froze. _Does she know? How did she find out? _Looking around nervously, he asked, "What truth…?"

"You obviously have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Now tell me, are you afraid that germs are everywhere and are out to get you?"

He frowned, angry with himself for panicking. "That's not why I wear them. Do I say anything about the blue arm warmers you always sport, even in the summer?"

Rinoa smiled, obviously enjoying taunting him. "This isn't about me, and they're very stylish, and I haven't worn them since last week, thank you! But if that's not the reason, what is?"

Squall turned on his side, facing her, supporting his weight on his arm. "They keep out most of the vibration and heat that my Gunblade puts off when I pull the trigger. And they keep my hands warm."

"Aaaaaand?" she prodded.

Squall rolled his eyes. "And they make me look _cool._ Happy?"

She nodded in victory. "I knew there was a hidden reaso--aaah!" A deafening thunderclap made her bolt into the safety of his arms. He held her close and stroked her hair to comfort her. She had been startled so badly, he could feel her heart thumping against his chest, or maybe it was his own. In an instant, all the playfulness in the air dissolved into something else he couldn't explain. He just knew he liked it

"It's okay, Rin. It's only a loud noise caused by the rapid expansion of air when it's suddenly heated by lightning." he stated. He even made science sound like Garden Protocol.

She looked up at him. "English, please."

"It's only a sound. It won't hurt you." She nodded and settled back into his chest, holding him tighter when another wave of thunder rumbled. However, when she moved closer, she inadvertently pressed against his lower body, causing him to stir. He remained as still as possible as any further movement would surely cause yet another erection. Rinoa yawned and then turned over so that he would be holding her from behind, and pressed her backside against his middle.

Squall quietly groaned. _She really has no intentions of making this easy on me. I think she's doing this on purpose. Damn, she smells good… _With his willpower crumbling into nonexistence, he moved her hair away from her neck and began kissing it gently. Rinoa exhaled and arched her body against his. He took full advantage and slid the thin strap of her tank top over her shoulder. Breathing unsteadily, he caressed her breast with his free hand and ground his hips into her backside.

Arousal seemed to make him sluggish as he didn't have time to react when Rinoa quickly removed his glove. Squall suddenly jerked away and put his uncovered hand behind his back, making her turn around and eye him suspiciously. "Squall, what's wrong?" she asked. He didn't respond and sat up, still shielding his hand, and looked at her warily. She sat up also. "What is it?"

"Can I have my glove back, please?" he asked nervously. When she didn't move, he tried to take it away from her with his other hand, but she effectively dodged him.

"No, not until you tell me what's wrong." she said firmly. For the life of her, she couldn't figure out his problem.

He sighed and covered his face. "Rin, please don't do this, not now."

"There's another reason you always wear your gloves, isn't there?" she questioned.

"Rinoa, please?" he whispered, an ashamed and defeated expression covering his features. Squall held out his covered hand again, and this time she gently placed his glove into it. Although she still didn't know what was going on, she couldn't stand to prey on his apparent weakness like that.

"Thank you." he said with a look of appreciation. She smiled in response. They all had demons to face; this was his. He would deal with it when he was ready.

"Let's get some sleep, yeah?" she said, tenderly cupping his cheek in her hand. He nodded back and laid down, once again holding her. For a while he stayed awake, holding her closely, until he felt her body relax and her breathing deepen. He looked down at her angelic face and moved a stray lock of hair out of her eyes. He kissed her tenderly on the forehead and snuggled into her hair, the sound of the rain, the rolling thunder, and his love's deep breathing lulling him to sleep.

***

Squall's 'Whatever' Count: 2

Hoped you like this chapter. Pleeeeeeeze review. You opinion is truly what motivates me to keep posting. Thanks!


	8. Retrospection

Welcome back! Kudos for making it this far! Sorry I forgot to mention in my last chapter but, thanks to my readers in Austria, Jamaica, The Netherlands, and France. Another Special thanks to -Dream-Silver-Haze- for the review. Glad you're as much of a perv as I am! =P You Rock!

Ok, this chapter sheds some light as to why Squall acts the way he does. I said it before; everything (that looks weird or OOC) is here for a reason. Enjoy reading why!

_Peace of mind is not easy for him to find_

_And he's walkin' a thinner line_

_In a place where another man is keeping his time_

_Though he's young, he's not like everyone_

_He sees what he's become and he'd rather be standing in the sun…_

_--Infinite Possibilities, Amel Larrieux_

_**Chapter Eight: Retrospection**_

Rinoa awoke the following morning to find that she was alone. Rolling over onto her back, she stared at the shadows the blinds made on the ceiling, thinking to herself. _Matron was right. There is something keeping him from following through with his feelings. _She sat up and stretched her limbs, a folded piece of paper on his nightstand with her name written on it catching her eye. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she opened it and read Squall's neat handwriting:

_-Rin,_

_I went out to train. I'll return later. Stay as long as you want. _

_-Squall_

Clear and to the point, he is.

Rinoa folded the slip of paper and put it in her pocket. She smiled to herself at the thought of her devoted Knight, until she realized that she had a class that she was late for.

_______________________________________________________

Squall stood in the hallway between two doors contemplating the hardest question he had ever had to face. He needed to talk to someone. These newfound urges coupled with his pre-existing psychological issues were beginning to become too much to bear. His friends always try to push him to rely and talk to them more, so he figured what the hell. They had asked for it. The question was who would he talk to, Irvine or Zell? He took a few steps back and leaned against the opposite wall. On one hand, you have a guy who swears he knows everything there is to know about women, yet he always manages to offend them. Then on the other hand, you have a guy who isn't a womanizer but who's one true love is edible.

Squall brought a hand to his forehead. He knew that either way he chose he was screwed, he just had to figure out which one was the lesser of two evils. Just then, a light bulb went off in his head. Fishing through his pockets, his fingers finally landed on what he had been searching for. Holding his breath, he flicked the shiny coin into the air, caught it without looking, and slapped it onto the back of his other hand. _Heads: Zell, Tails: Irvine._ Carefully, he lifted his gloved hand to reveal the verdict. Letting out the breath he was holding, he banged on the winners' door. Before they could utter a greeting, he spoke. "Get your gear. We're going to train." Without another word, he walked away, leaving no room for them to protest. Squall sincerely hoped that they were prepared because they were going to go to the place that best described his state of mind; the Island Closest to Hell.

______________________________________________________

For what seemed like an eternity, commander and comrade had slain countless monsters non-stop. While both of them were in top physical form, the intense workout they had endured had taken its toll. Squall equipped his Encounter-None ability to ensure that no monsters would creep up on them and sat on the edge of a nearby cliff for a much needed rest.

After watching the ocean for a while, his companion was the first to speak. "S'up, Squall?"

Squall looked Zell straight in the eye. "I love her." he stated plainly.

Zell laughed and waved it off. "Aw, come on man! We all knew that before you did!"

"No, I mean I really do."

Zell sobered. "Is that what's bothering you?"

"Well… Yes and no."

"You lost me."

Squall took a deep breath. "Since I love her, I can't touch her. I can't touch her because I love her too much. I want to, but I can't."

"Wha-?" Zell scratched his head. Figuring Squall out had always been like putting together a 10,000 piece puzzle in the dark, but this was ridiculous. "Alright, start from the beginning."

"I'm in love with Rinoa. I want to share everything with her, I want to someday marry her, I want her to be my first--" It slipped out before he had a chance to stop it.

His friends' eyes flew wide opened. "You mean you two haven't… Damn it's been like five years, man! You don't know what you're missing!"

"Three. And everything's not about sex- Wait, you've already…"

"Hell yeah!" Zell exclaimed.

"With a girl?"

"Uh, yeah!"

"A girl that **wasn't **a hot dog?" Squall asked in disbelief.

"Hot dogs were involved if that's what you're implying. Remember the girl with the pigtail, from the library?"

Squall thought for a second. "Her!? Since when?"

He smiled cockily. "Since before Ultimecia!"

Squall looked out over the ocean and threw a pebble into its depths. "I want Rinoa. Hyne knows I want her. But everytime we start to go there, I freeze."

Zell leaned on his knees and also looked out at the shimmering sea.

"Why do you freeze up?" Zell asked.

Squall paused before continuing. "You ever felt like someone was too good for you?"

He thought about it for a second. "Yeah, sometimes."

"Well… One night, I had this dream." It was rare that Squall ever spoke his mind, so Zell knew that any playfulness at this point would make him clam up. So he listened attentively.

"Rin was standing, looking out at the ocean on the Rinaul Coast, wearing a white dress. I remember walking up behind her and just watching her." _She looked so beautiful_, He remembered. "I called her name and she turned around and smiled at me. She asked me to join her and watch the sunset, so I walked up next to her. She watched the sun set, and I watched her. Just as the sun disappeared, she turned to me and kissed me. I held her close, touched her face, played in her hair… Then she said…

______________________________________________________________________

"I want you to touch me, Squall."

He looked confused. "I've been touching you all this time."

She smiled sweetly. "No silly! I mean I want you to really touch me. I want to feel your skin against mine."

Squall looked down at his covered hands. He had never noticed that he always wore them. Well… He had noticed, he didn't know that _she _noticed.

"You want me to take them off?" he said nervously.

"It won't hurt, I promise!" she teased, taking his hands in her own. Squall then fisted his hands. His gloves were one of his only sources of comfort he had left. But after thinking about it, so was his Griever ring, and he had given that up for her, to her. He also wore them for protection; not only for himself, but to protect _her _from _him_. The hands that the gloves concealed had spilled so much blood in their short lifetime. He took a deep breath; he would do this; he would be strong… for her.

Slowly, he opened his hands. Rinoa smiled and removed his gloves with extreme care, placing them into his jacket pocket afterward. The sensation of the damp air made his finger tingle, as they had gone so long without feeling anything except leather. With an unsteady hand, he ran his fingers through her hair, caressed her cheek, and pulled her into his embrace. In the entire time he had known her, this was his first time to actually touch her. She was softer than he had always imagined. He pulled away and kissed her tenderly. But when the kiss ended, his nightmare began.

Rinoa caught the horrified look on his face. "What? What's wrong?" The concerned expression on her face made his throat tighten.

Squall looked up at her and swallowed hard. "Rinoa, I'm… I'm so sorry!" His hands slowly slid down her arms, leaving a smeared trail of crimson blood on her skin.

Rinoa gasped loudly. "Oh my… What have you done to me?!" She instantly jerked away from his embrace.

"Rin, please! I didn't mean…" He held out a hand to comfort her. Rinoa in turn cowered in the opposite direction, saying three words that ripped out his heart and forced all air to escape the confines of his lungs. "Don't touch me!"

He stopped and dropped his hands by his side. "Rinoa, please-"

"You've tainted me!" she said in a dark voice. "I was pure before you touched me with your bloodied hands! Now look what you've done to me!" She ran into the water and tried in vain to wash the blood from her body and clothing, tears streaking her face. Squall stood and watched, what was left of his heart twisting everytime she cursed him. He looked down at his hands to find that they were also covered in blood. Horrified, he ran to the water and attempted, also in vain, to clean his hands of the streaming thick liquid that seemed to have neither source nor end.

Rinoa looked at him with contempt. "No amount of water can ever clean your hands of the blood you have shed."

Squall met her condemning eyes, his own now overflowing with tears. He reached out to her again only to find something in the water had caught his arm, preventing him from moving further. Upon further inspection, Squall realized his limb was entangled with the remains of a dead Galbadian. The once-shiny metal of the soldiers uniform glinted mockingly in the fading sunlight. Startled by something else that brushed against his leg, Squall whipped his head around to find another soldier's corpse, then another, then another. The previously beautiful ocean was now a liquid cemetery, and the rolling waves seemed to give life to its tenants.

"Rinoa, please, don't leave me!"

"Stay away from me!" she yelled. "Don't ever touch me again!" Without a second glance, Rinoa ran into the distance and vanished.

______________________________________________________________________

"I called out her name so many times… but she never looked back. Not once. I wanted, tried to go after her, but I couldn't move. There were so many bodies, and the weight of my guilt was making me sink into the sand. So after I gave up trying to fight it and catch up to her, I just stood there. Waist deep in sand. I lost the one ray of light in my miserable fucking existence all because I wanted to touch her. I lost her because I wanted her selfishly."

"The next morning, I went to my bathroom and scrubbed my hands until they bled, but she caught me and forced me to see Dr. Kadowaki." He chuckled bitterly, "I had first degree burns and lacerations. It would have been worse had I not been found."

Zell's eyes bulged. "Jeez, man! What the hell were you scrubbing with!?"

"You don't wanna know." he said coldly. "Anyway, from that day forward, I vowed that I would never taint my angel. I vowed that as her Knight, I would protect her from anything, even from myself. I don't even deserve to be in her life, but I am. That should be enough. Right?" He finished, resting his chin in his hands.

"How long ago did you have this dream?"

Squall thought for a moment. "About two and a half years ago, maybe three, and I still remember it as if it had happened last night."

"You're saying that in the years that you've known her, you've never touched, her?"

"No, not really."

Zell looked back out in to the shimmering ocean and thought for a long time. He thought Squall's method was warped, but he could understand the reasoning behind it, sort of.

"You know, you aren't as bad as you think you are, Squall."

The Commander gave him an evil glare. "What!?"

"No, I'm not saying you aren't a tough guy, I'm saying that you aren't the tainted murderer that you see yourself as."

The irritated expression on Squall's face prompted Zell to explain himself. "I mean, think about it. Just about every battle you went into was to protect her. Every time you risked your life, it was to protect her. Every person you have killed has been to _protect her_. You aren't some warmongering tyrant that preys upon the weak and slays the innocent. You're just a Knight doing his job; you fight so that she doesn't have to. So what if your hands are dirty, if that means keeping hers clean, then so be it. If someone even came close to thinking about harming her, I would kill them in a heartbeat and be fucking proud of it."

Squall looked at Zell and blinked several times. Never in all the time he had known Zell had he seen a more serious look than he saw now. Zell was right. Wait, Zell was right? After having it put like that, he felt a weight being lifted off of his chest. Every person that fell by his hand _was _to keep her safe.

"Zell?"

"Yeah?"

"Your genius is showing."

"What!? Where!?" Squall watched and laughed as Zell frantically searched his pants for any openings.

They both stood and walked back to the Ragnarok. Squall finally understood the benefit of confiding in his friends. It had taken years of work, but he now understood. In one afternoon, his whole outlook of the past three years had changed, and he would deny himself no longer of his addiction.

______________________________________________________________________

_**Later that night…**_

Rinoa awoke yet again on the crystal shores of Balamb, this time the mystery woman was sitting beside her, seeming to look out into the waters. Both shared an amicable silence, both reflecting on their own thoughts.

Rinoa was the first to speak. "What was he like?"

"Who do you speak of?" she asked.

"The man you were in love with, the one who died."

She lowered her head, a sad smile softening her face. "He was the most beautiful man alive. Even though we were together for quite some time, my breath still caught in my throat when he entered the room. And his smile, it sent shivers throughout my body. He had the body of a god, but his best feature by far was his eyes. They were as icy blue as the ocean we gaze upon. His eyes told me everything he felt, even when his lips would not. Our connection ran so deep that when he died, I felt like a part of me died with him. I haven't been the same since."

"How did he die?" Rinoa asked gently.

"He was murdered. We were ambushed. So many other soldiers needed him, so many were dying, yet he never left my side. While everyone fought bravely, because we had been taken by surprise, we didn't stand a chance. They were all so young. He died in my arms that day. He had used his body as a human shield to protect me from gunfire. He had kept his oath and protected me until his last breath. After that moment, I don't know what happened. I don't even know how I survived, but sometimes I wish I hadn't."

Rinoa looked at her apologetically. "I'm so sorry. I couldn't imagine losing the one that I love that way."

The woman smiled and lifted her head. "Don't feel sorry for us. I will see him again, very soon." She stood and began to walk away. "I'm afraid that our time together is limited."

"What do you mean? Is something the matter? I still don't know who you are."

She stopped and looked back at her, smiling slightly. "You will find out when it's time. But for now… Wake up."

***

This is the part where we say "Ooooooh, _that's _why he's like that!" at the same time!

Now if only we knew the deal with Rinoa's dreams…

Oh well. Stick around to find out! While you're at it, please review. I only have four chapters left to write and alas, I have writer's block. Reviews are motivation!


	9. Completion

With my writer's block finally in remission, I bring you a chapter that I'm sad is over, but glad that it's done! It is rated M, just to warn you. Big thanks to everyone that's been keeping up with this story, and to my readers in Spain and Singapore. Special thanks again to Mayonaka no Ame, GothicWhore, -Dream-Silver-Haze- , and Jayliyah for the awesome reviews!

_

* * *

_

_Touch me deep, pure and true _

_Give to me forever…_

_--Kissing You, Des'ree (Romeo & Juliet)_

_**Chapter Nine: Completion**_

For the rest of the week it seemed that Squall wanted nothing to do with Rinoa, at least it seemed that way to her. She hadn't seen or heard from him in days. It was making her uneasy, but she hadn't had the time to look for him either. Who knew that cadets would have such demanding schedules.

It was yet another lonely night. She would have gone to his room again hoping to find him there, but the past few times she had, he was nowhere to be found. Wrapping up her latest journal entry with a heavy heart, she turned in for the night, hoping that she would have better luck the next day.

______________________________________________________________________

_I'm here again? Damn, is this the only thing I have to look forward to when I fall asleep?_ She wondered. While the Balamb Coast was lovely, she was tired of seeing it, and its guest.

The same faceless woman could be heard chuckling behind her. Rinoa rolled her eyes. "I'm glad _somebody _finds this amusing." she said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry. I won't be here long tonight. I just wanted to warn you of something." she replied.

Rinoa turned her body to face her. "And what would that be?" She asked half-heartedly.

"I wanted to tell you that the wings are natural and are your blessing; your gift from Hyne herself."

"What are you talking about? What wings?" This woman was impossible!

"When the bond between a sorceress and her knight is completed, they receive a unique gift. Something that they share exclusively. Oh, and they'll go away in a few hours. They scared me my first time getting them, so I thought you should know."

"…Whatever." Rinoa waved her off and looked into the sunset.

______________________________________________________________________

Sharp rapping on her door woke Rinoa from her awkward dream. Honestly she didn't know whether to thank the person or injure them for disturbing her sleep. She had opted on injury until she felt her heart flutter in her chest. From that instant, she knew exactly who it was; Squall. _So that's how he knows, huh? What is he doing here this late?_ It was well past curfew. Rinoa jumped out of bed, ran a hand through her hair to smooth down any unruly pieces, and opened her door.

Sure enough, there he stood. Her Knight. For endless moments they stared at each other, as it had seemed like such a long time since they last saw each other. Rinoa took the opportunity to reacquaint herself with him. He wore his usual white tank, dark pants, boots, gloves, but no jacket. It was late spring after all and Garden could get quite stuffy. Squall returned the favor and studied her; her body was barely covered. She had on a white top and pink sleep shorts. He quickly averted his eyes when he noticed that she wasn't wearing a bra, hoping that she didn't catch his slip.

When he met her eyes again, she smiled widely and rushed into his embrace. He had to admit that he had missed her terribly this past week. He stroked her hair and inhaled deeply, the scent of vanilla playing on his senses. Rinoa pulled back and kissed him deeply, showing him how much he was missed.

"What are you doing here this late? It's way past curfew." She asked.

"I don't follow curfew."

"Okay, but that doesn't answer my question." she said, smiling.

"We're leaving. Now." Without another word, he left. _Leaving?! Leaving for where? It's almost 1:00 in the morning! _She put a hand on her hip and looked around, confused. Suddenly with a burst of urgency, she put on the closest pair of sneakers, grabbed a jacket, and ran for the door, heading toward the parking lot.

___________________________________________________________________

When Squall had said that they were leaving, she had no idea that they would be _flying_ to their destination. She didn't even know Squall knew how to fly the Ragnarok! Once they had boarded and began their journey, Rinoa gazed out the large window and watched the world go by at light speed. She knew they were headed south, but Squall still had yet to tell her where they were going. His secrecy only added to the electricity that Rinoa could feel in the air. She felt the pleasant tension build with every move he made, every time he snuck in a glance at her. For some reason, she felt that tonight was going to change everything.

Once they finally landed, Squall went to the passenger seat behind him and grabbed what looked to her like a large blanket, handed her two fluffy pillows, opened the hangar and walked out. Since when did he own a blanket? She quickly dismissed the thought and compliantly followed him outside, not bothering to ask any questions as she knew they wouldn't be answered anyway. When her eyes adjusted to the dark surroundings her nose caught an all too familiar scent, and a wide smile spread across her face as she realized exactly where they were.

They stood in the middle of the vast field of wildflowers. Their secret place. Seeing the sprawling meadow again brought back so many memories for the both of them, yet they said nothing; nothing needed to be said. There was so much history in this place that came flooding back to memory whenever they walked upon the fragrant grounds. And walk they did, hand-in-hand. Rinoa used her free hand to lightly brush across the tops of the taller flowers until Squall stopped abruptly and stared into the sky. She stopped next to him and followed his gaze; countless shooting stars raced upon the sky, making even more memories come flooding back to them.

This was the place where they're bond was initiated with a promise, and tonight, it would be the place where it was completed.

Squall stretched out the huge blanket in front of them and sat, gently pulling her down with him. Together they laid in comfortable silence, his gloved hands performing their usual ministrations through her hair as they watched the meteor shower.

"Squall?"

"Hm?"

"I want you to touch me."

Squall looked down at her uneasily. "I've been touching you all this time."

She smiled and turned her head slightly. "I mean I want you to _really _touch me. I want to feel your skin against mine."

He sat up and looked down at his gloved hands. "You want me to take them off?" he asked hesitantly. He couldn't help but feel an extreme case of déjà vu. The last thing he needed was for his nightmares to come true.

"It won't hurt. I promise." she said sweetly, looking deeply into his eyes. He looked into hers, then back down at his hands. When she went to remove them, he fisted his hands.

Slowly, she touched his clenched fists, closed her eyes, and extended her consciousness toward his. At first she felt nothing, then pressure. An figurative barrier prevented her from entering his mind, but she could feel a slight wave of fear go through her. She knew it wasn't her own emotion, but that of her lover. Fear, and also twinge of guilt. Just like Matron had said, at times his emotions will become yours. She could _feel_ what he was feeling. She didn't know the reason behind them, as her newly acquired ability seemed to be a highly developed case of empathy and not telepathy, but she knew that she was not the origin. Opening her eyes, she brought a hand to his face and caressed it. "I don't care what happened in the past. I love you, and that's all that matters."

Squall lifted his head and looked into her soft, brown eyes. Never had he seen or felt such emotion in them, such…_ forgiveness._ The feeling was so strong it almost felt tangible. She then moved to take his gloves off again, but he evaded her hands once more. Without breaking their gaze, he slowly took them off himself, and set them to the side. He no longer needed them, at least not when it came to her.

The air was cold against his skin. He could feel his fingertips tingling as he went to touch her face. When their skin met, it sent a wave of intense warmth and electricity through him. Never again would he take his sense of touch for granted. Rinoa kissed the palm of his hand as it traveled from her cheek to her raven locks. He let the silken strands slide through his fingers as he followed their path down her back. She closed her eyes and sighed as his other hand inched up her thigh to rest around her waist. Suddenly, Squall pulled her body against his and kissed her, tenderly at first, then with more depth and urgency.

Rinoa moaned into his mouth and arched her back against his touch. Her skin tingled everywhere he caressed, adding to her pleasure. To be a fighter, his hands were surprisingly smooth with the exception of the top of his palm. Years of gripping the massive weight of his Gunblade had caused his skin to harden at the place where his palm and fingers met. Wanting to feel more of her, Squall's hands retraced their path up her back, this time venturing beneath the soft cotton of her shirt. He inwardly sighed in relief that the confounded contraption that women affectionately termed a bra was absent. Carefully, he lifted her shirt over her head and tossed it near his gloves, his own shirt quickly following after. She ran her hands down his well-toned body, briefly fingering his Griever pendant. Frequent training was good to him, as he had increased in mass compared to when he was seventeen.

Bringing her up on her knees he removed her shorts, the nervousness from earlier encounters with her vanishing with his gloves. Rinoa tried to undo his belts, but found that they were a little more complicated than they looked. Without looking, he reached down and undid them with one hand.

"You'll get used to them." he said above a whisper. His pants and boots were next to go, along with her sneakers. Finally, they sat completely exposed in front of each other with no more barriers between them. They took the time to visually take in the other, becoming familiar with the other's body.

Making the first move, Squall leaned over and kissed Rinoa again, this time trailing them to her neck and chest. Rinoa entangled her fingers in his hair as he used his tongue on her sensitive skin. The sensation sent a wave of pleasure through her and caused heat to rush to her lower half. With every kiss, he slowly eased her onto her back. Slowly, he moved her legs aside and sensuously strummed her as if she were his favorite guitar. He watched her intently, gauging her reaction to everything he did, learning what pleased her the most. While stroking her, he slipped a finger inside of her, making her close her eyes and a small moan to escape her lips.

The more he stroked her, the more she responded, the more he found himself wanting to taste her. Without warning, he positioned himself in front of her and did just that. Rinoa's eyes snapped open and sharply drew in a breath at the sudden, but pleasurable, change. She ran her fingers through his hair and writhed against his mouth as he licked her softly, gradually bringing her to her peak.

Rinoa was never one to be selfish. Just as quickly as he had, she reversed their position and began pleasuring him in return. She wanted to give him as much pleasure as he was giving her. With her delicate hand, she stroked his erect member, also watching his reaction. She could tell that he was trying to hide his expressions, and she held him tighter in her grasp, making a moan escaped before he could stop it. Before he could react again, she wrapped her soft lips around him and returned the favor. Finding that it had suddenly became very difficult to hold himself up, he leaned back on his elbows, letting his head hang backward.

She couldn't explain it, but she actually got just as much enjoyment from giving pleasure as she did from receiving it. Every stifled sound he made, every time his brow furrowed, every time he grabbed a handful of her hair, it made her want him that much more. Squall finally summoned the strength and pulled her away from him and pushed her onto her back once again. He was through with being teased; he wanted to feel her, all of her. Settling himself between her legs, he gently brushed his body against hers, making her shudder.

Squall looked down into the chocolate depths of his lovers eyes, he needed to be certain that she wanted this as much as he did. Exercising what little control he had left, he had to ask.

"Are you sure you want this? Once this happens, we can't take it back."

Rinoa smiled slightly and kissed him deeply in response. He had no clue how long she had waited for this moment. Finally he entered her. With every inch, her muscles tensed and her body shook. He knew he was hurting her, but he couldn't stop; it felt too good. With another push, he felt her body give way and he entered her fully. Rinoa, who had her eyes squeezed shut, slowly opened them and looked up at Squall. His breathing was ragged and he was shaking as well. He began moving inside her once more, and she found that it was no longer painful, but instead extremely pleasurable. She couldn't take her eyes off of his, as his usually icy ones had turned a deep cobalt blue in his passion. They both panted against each other as he moved inside her, slowly at first, then becoming faster with every thrust.

Squall was the first to break their gaze as he buried his head into her neck, once again smelling her heavenly fragrance. Rinoa moaned and writhed in pleasure under him, and let her eyes flutter closed. When he found himself losing control, he removed himself from her body, earning a moan of protest. Quickly, he reversed their position again and she settled herself on top of his body. He immediately reentered her, moaning in pleasure as he did so, and resumed their dance.

Deep within her, she could feel her climax approaching. She moved against him harder, wanting to feel as much of him as she could. In response, he put both hands on her hips and pulled her down to meet his. They both moaned louder and louder, moving faster with each passing moment. She was coming close to reaching her peak, and he could feel it.

Suddenly, Squall sat up while still inside her, and held her waist with one arm while supporting both of their weight with his other. He felt his resolve crumbling as she dug her nails into his back and screamed in his ear. A few thrusts later, he felt her entire body tense again.

"I love you, Squall." Rinoa panted in his ear.

"I love you, too, Rin-" Hearing him say those word to her pushed her over the edge of ecstasy before he could even finish them. As she contracted around him, they both felt an unexplainable sensation envelope them like an aura, and the intangible mental barrier between them shattered.

The waves from the broken floodgates of his subconscious mind enveloped her as her mind's eye showed flashes of his memories. She watched a young boy with steely blue eyes, face pressed against the sand, follow a small turtle as it made it's path to the sea. Through his eyes, she watched as another young child with spiky blond hair run past him, yelling something about fireworks. A younger version of Ellone then appeared, smiling and speaking inaudibly as she cleaned his scraped knee, then mournfully walking away led by two unknown adults. Countless other memories invaded her mind, some crystal clear, such as his first fight. Others as hazy as morning fog, like his last image of what she believed was his mother's face.

Squall watched a young raven-haired girl run past him toward her father with open arms and embrace him, only to jump back as a brown and white collie pup escaped his military coat. Brief flashes of other people, sentimental objects, a family picture with broken glass, a dollhouses, entered his mind. He chuckled inwardly as he saw the reflection of a girl that was a little older, with baby blue braces, smiled back at him. Her eyes were piercing, even back then. Sadly, her smile was replaced with one of sorrow as he watched her kneel in front of a marble headstone, then rebelliously cut her hair with a pair of purple school scissors.

It was intense, it was euphoria, it was overwhelming.

Squall forced his eyes open just in time to see a pair of snow-colored wings extend from her shoulder blades. His eyes widened in shock until he felt a burning sensation around his upper back. It would have been painful had he not been in the middle of an intense orgasm. With all strength completely gone, Rinoa collapsed against her lover as the wave of pleasure, and memories, subsided.

Squall wanted to lay back, but something was preventing him from doing so. Holding Rinoa tighter, he adjusted his body so that they were sitting upright with her legs behind his back. Slowly, she lifted her head and looked up at him, smiling weakly.

"You're crying." Squall whispered, wiping away the tears that had trailed down her face.

"So are you." When she caressed his cheek, he felt the moisture on it. He hadn't noticed that he was crying. But that could be dealt with later, they had another pressing issue to attend to.

"Rinoa?"

"Yeah?"

"…Look behind you." Rinoa turned around and froze when she saw the angelic wings sprouting from her back.

"How did…" He was cut off when she turned back toward him and tenderly stroked his own raven-colored wings. That would explain why he couldn't lay back, but…how did this happen? Squall turned his head enough to look at the black wings that came from his shoulder blades. As far as he could tell, they were as long as he was tall. When he looked back at Rinoa, he found her smiling.

"This is… incredible!"

"Rinoa, what's happened to us?" Even though he literally just sprouted wings, for some reason she was ok with this.

"Our bond is complete. This is Hyne's way of showing us that we are in her favor."

He looked at her with a puzzled expression. "Our bond?"

"We have given all of ourselves to the each other; mind, body, and spirit."

"How do you know all of this?"

"I talked to Matron a little while ago." He nodded his head in response, still not completely understanding what was going on, but too tired to find out tonight. He bowed his head slightly and kissed his lover tenderly. Finding that his wings actually worked, he spread them so that he could lie on his back. Rinoa laid on her stomach with her head resting on his chest, so she wouldn't crush her own wings. Pulling the other half of the blanket over them, he settled back onto a pillow and watched the shooting stars, with the scent of the wildflowers and the sound of his angel's steady breathing lull him to sleep.

***

Slightly edited, but still effective. Please make this fan girl smile and review! She worked so hard on this chapter and would greatly appreciate your opinion!


	10. Fly

Wow! You're still here?! Here's a cookie for staying with me this far! Thanks to everyone in Greece and Italy that are reading my little fic. Special Thanks goes out to -gypsyrin- and again to -Dream-Silver-Haze-. You guys really keep me going. The kind words are much appreciated.

Okay, this chapter has no life or death situations, but enjoy the peace while it lasts…

* * *

_I'm dreaming and praying for the day,_

_When no one and nothing else takes up our time,_

_Finally you're only mine._

_Each and everyday I'd walk with you,_

_Right by my side._

_But instead we have to hide, sneak around, and lie_

_Just to spend time alone_

_If loving is a crime, I'd rather do the time_

_And leave the world behind…_

_--Stolen Moments, Alicia Keys_

_**Chapter Ten: Fly**_

The sound of birds singing and the distant sound of the ocean woke Rinoa from a blissful and dreamless slumber, yet she kept her eyes closed. She wasn't yet sure if she was still dreaming or not and didn't want to open her eyes only to find herself on the Rinaul Coast again. Silently she prayed that she was still in the field of flowers. Her prayers were answered as she finally heard a strong and steady heartbeat in her ear. Opening her eyes, she found that they were in fact still there, with the strange woman nowhere to be found. Rinoa lifted her head slowly, stretched and wiped the sleep from her eyes. The dark traces of the night were gradually being chased away by the coming sunrise.

She slowly stood to her feet, being careful not to wake Squall, and walked a few feet away toward the top of a small nearby hill. Every now and again she would look around to make sure they were still alone since she still hadn't put on any clothing. Cautiously, she walked to the top, the flowers prickling her feet as she went, and looked out at the rising sun. She looked on in awe as brilliant streaks of red and gold graced the bluish purple sky. _This is so beautiful, I wish Squall was awake to see this._ she thought.

"I am awake." The sound of his deep voice behind her made her smile. Squall walked toward her, looking out at a slightly different scene.

The soft sunlight had silhouetted her slender frame, and the wings she adorned made her look genuinely angelic. He instantly remembered back when he had seen her like this before, except back then she was fully clothed. He had called her name several times, yet she couldn't hear him. When she finally turned around, she faded away. A wave of fear swept through him, as he was afraid that this might be a repeat of that event, that everything he had experienced the night before was an elaborate fantasy.

"Rinoa?" His heart raced as he anxiously waited for her to answer, yet she still hadn't moved. He called her name again, this time more urgently. As soon as her name left his lips, she turned around, the beautiful smile he had come to love gracing her features. Letting out the breath he was holding, he smiled back, thankful that she hadn't faded away, and he wasn't dreaming.

Once Rinoa caught sight of his lack of clothing, she covered her body the best she could with her arms,(and wings.), as modesty suddenly came flooding back to her. This earned her a laugh from her male counterpart. "It's a little too late to be bashful, isn't it? I've already seen you naked." he smiled.

She looked around nervously. "W-well… That was in the dark! It's daylight now."

Squall took another step toward her. "What are you hiding?"

"W-what? N-nothing!" Rinoa stammered.

"You're such a bad liar. Move your arms."

Rinoa still looked bashful, but complied with his wishes. "…And the wings, Rin!" Once again she complied, letting him see her completely. "You are beautiful, Rinoa. Don't hide yourself in shame. Least of all, from me."

"Oh, this coming from someone who wouldn't show his hands for years!" she teased.

He shrugged. "Things change, people change. …What's so funny about that?" he asked after she started giggling.

"Who knew Squall's birthmark would be on his stomach? I didn't even know you had a birthmark!" she jested, poking the hyper-pigmented strawberry on his oblique.

"Whatever." It may have been her imagination, but she could have sworn a stifled giggle escaped his lips when she poked him.

"Yeah, well at least mine isn't on my ass." he mumbled.

"That is _not_ my ass! It's my lower back-"

_Ring, ring!_

The loud ringing of Squall's cell phone brought the couple back to reality. Exhaling tiredly, he walked back over to it and picked it up from the ground. It was Zell. Seizing the opportunity, Rinoa snatched it from his hands before he had a chance to answer it, pressing the button to ignore the call.

Squall looked at her, quickly becoming irritated. "What do you think you're doing?" Normally irritation would turn into anger but the look in her eyes made him calm down.

Setting the phone back down, her eyes pleaded with him. "I don't want to go back, not yet. Please? I don't want this to end."

Hanging his head, he thought for several moments, his mind warring between going back to Garden or staying with his angel. He then lifted his head and gave her a half smile. "I don't want to leave either. Not yet." Letting out the breath she was holding, Rinoa smile brightly and kissed him on the cheek.

Squall laid back on the blanket and looked up at her. "So, what do you want to do now?" As soon as he finished his question, he saw a mischievous glint in Rinoa's eye. "Let's go flying!"

Squall folded his arms. "I'm not flying the Ragnarok unless where going back to Garden."

"Not in the Ragnarok, I mean let's _fly_! We have these wings, so let's use them!"

"…"

"Oh come on! It'll be fun!"

"Remind me to make you schedule an appointment with Dr. Kadowaki when we get back." Ignoring his comment, Rinoa retrieved her clothing from the night before and put on her shorts and sneakers. Squall began to dress also, but left his shirt off, and laughed at Rinoa's attempts to put on her tank top.

"Stop laughing, meanie!" Rinoa yelled, which only made Squall laugh harder. She had been trying to put her wings through the arm holes, and failing miserably. After a few moments of watching her fumble around and letting her suffer, he finally went to help her. Using the small knife he always carried with him, he cut the thin straps of her shirt and tied them around her neck, effectively creating a halter top. Inspecting his handy-work, Rinoa said sarcastically, "Wow Squall, did you minor in Fashion Design?"

"…"

Rinoa stood to her feet and began trying to move her new appendages. The previous nights' event had made Squall's muscles tight and he felt like he needed a good stretch. Coming to his feet, he lifted both arms in the air and leaned backward, which caused his wings to come together behind him. He now had Rinoa's full attention as almost every move he made caused his wings to move. Finally, he stretched his arms out, giving Rinoa an impressive display of his wingspan.

"Wait, how did you do that?" she asked.

"Do what?"

" Make them move like that."

He shrugged. "I guess it's all in you shoulder blades." Taking his advice, she moved her shoulder blades in different directions, and was happy to find that he was right. She smiled brightly, then with a burst of energy, she grabbed Squall's arm and began running toward the lighthouse.

_Ring, ring!_

The ignore button was pushed again on his cell phone. They had finally reached the lighthouse near the orphanage, and were staring down into the depths of the ocean. Squall looked around, still unsure on why he was dragged here in the first place.

"Okay, we're here. Now what?" he asked. She didn't answer him, and began walking away from the cliff's edge. _I don't understand her. She drags me all the way out here just to turn around, walk away, turn back around, and run off the side of the--What the hell is she doing?!_ Squall turned around just in time to see Rinoa run back toward the cliff and jump off. He ran to the edge again but stopped just before going over. His heart plummeted into his stomach as Rinoa fell toward the ocean below. He thought of casting a float spell on her, but she was too far away, besides, it would have taken too much time.

_Is she…flying?_ While he had been thinking of a way to save Rinoa, she was laughing excitedly and gliding through the air as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Squall couldn't believe his eyes. He watched her in awe as she slowly made large circles in mid-air, and couldn't stop the sides of his mouth from twitching upward.

However, his smile was short-lived as her glide was headed closer to the icy waters below. Fear had finally crept into Rinoa as she found herself unable to fly any higher. It quickly turned into panic, and a shrill scream reached Squall's ears. She had become so afraid that she accidentally flattened her wings behind her, causing her to plummet into the dark waters.

"Shit!" Squall's fear vanished, and the Knight's protective side instantly took over. He jumped off the cliff, headed toward the last place he had seen his lover. Rinoa could swim, but the added weight from the wings could potentially complicate things.

The Knight spread his wings the same way Rinoa had, although he had no idea what he was doing, and drifted to where she was last seen, calling her name the entire time. What in the hell possessed her to do something like that? She had a free spirit, but this was taking it to the extreme!

To his temporary relief, Squall saw Rinoa finally surface from the water. Once he was close enough, he grabbed her arm and attempted to pull her from the water, but it was a lot harder than he had expected. After almost being pulled into the ocean himself, Squall flapped his onyx wings and they slowly ascended. After much effort, the pair finally came crashing onto solid ground, both of them out of breath from the rush of adrenaline they both felt while flying. Squall would never admit it to her, but it was actually kind of fun, in some strange, psychotic way.

_Ring, ring!_

Once again, Rinoa reached for Squall's cell phone but was quickly evaded, saying "It's an emergency."

"How do you know?" she replied disbelievingly.

"If Zell calls me three times and I don't answer, he'll send out a search party. That's the last thing I want." He promptly answered the phone. Rinoa listened closely and tried to decipher the conversation based on Squall's replies.

A few moments later, Squall placed his phone back into its holder on his hip, stood, and walked slowly toward the edge of the cliff.

"It's time to go back, isn't it." Rinoa asked, although she already knew the answer. He only nodded while looking out at the shimmering water. Being an expert in Squall Observation, Rinoa could tell that he had retracted back into his own mind. He was brought back to reality when he felt a soft hand slide against his own, and turned to see Rinoa smiling up at him. In return, he tenderly kiss her lips. At that moment, their wings fell away feather by feather. They watched as the wind carried them into the air in a beautiful mix of alabaster and onyx.

"Let's go." Squall said, and began walking back to the Ragnarok. Rinoa followed, but paused to pick up two long feathers, one black and one white, that had gotten caught in the grass.

***

Squall's 'Whatever' count: 3

Slightly vital to the plot, but really about two people just wanting to be together. Hoped you like it. Please review!!


	11. Revelation

Welcome back!! I know I just updated, thanks for reading, by the way, but I had to get this chapter up. It was originally two chapters but I smushed them together. Why? Cuz I know you'll review! Thanks to my readers in Ireland and India. Special thanks to anyone that has a big enough heart to review.

Enough talk, more reading!

* * *

Don't want to let it lay me down this time.  
Drown my will to fly.  
Here in the darkness I know myself.  
Can't break free until I let it go.  
Let me go…

--Lithium, Evanescence

_**Chapter Eleven: Revelation**_

For the months that followed, it seemed that order was finally prevailing throughout the region. The demand for SeeD was decreasing, but that wasn't such a bad thing. It meant less time being spent fighting and more time being spent with family and friends. Timber was still a hotspot, of course, but even the Galbadians were unusually quiet. Selphie and her committee had once again pulled off another Garden Festival in honor of this time of peace. Afterward the group disbanded temporarily; Quistis had left to visit the family that had adopted her, Selphie and Irvine had left for Trabia, and Zell was to leave the following morning with Phoebe, the girl with the pigtails. He said she wanted him to meet her family.

Rinoa lay in her bed looking up at the ceiling and played with the two feathers that were securely braided into a lock of her hair. Before she left, Selphie had intertwined them into her hair with the assistance of black yarn. Reflecting upon the months that had passed, she smiled to herself when she remembered that Ellone was coming from Esthar to visit and would arrive within the week. Squall still stuck around and worked, as expected, but at least she was seeing him more often. She had to admit that things were finally settling into a kind of normalcy despite everything they had endured during the Sorceress War.

Finally turning off the lights, Rinoa slipped under the sheets and fell to sleep, dreaming of things to come…

___________________________________________

_**Later that Night…**_

Kirsten sighed with relief as the Training Center doors shut behind her. She had finally found the 'Secret Area' and, after it hadn't lived up to her expectations, decided to work on her magic skills. On her way back to the dorms, she caught sight of Rinoa and went to catch up with her, until something caught her attention. Something about Rinoa seemed… off. She thought maybe she had an overactive imagination, but it looked like Rinoa was sleepwalking. She looked like she clearly knew where she was going, but her head was drooped to the side as if she weren't alert. Kirsten knew that trying to wake her was potentially dangerous, so she decided to follow her to make sure she didn't hurt herself.

She followed her from the Cafeteria all the way to the Main Entrance. Kirsten stopped following for fear of violating curfew, but Rinoa continued trudging through the entrance and toward the nearby Rinaul Coast. She watched Rinoa until she disappeared from her view. _I guess she'll be okay out there._ she thought to herself. _She probably wasn't even asleep at all, right? I'll tell someone about this in the morning._

____________________________________________

For once Rinoa hadn't awakened at the Rinaul Coast, but she wasn't far away from it. Unlike the countless dreams she had before that were quiet and serene, she found herself looking up at a darkened sky. Black clouds swirled around each other angrily and the quickening wind blew her hair into her eyes. A terrible storm was in the near future and she was caught in the middle of it.

"It's lovely, isn't it?" She heard a familiar voice say behind her.

"What's going on? Why has everything changed?" Rinoa asked.

"This is what you would call the calm before the storm. A turning point, so to speak."

"I don't know who's worse with riddles, you or Matron!"

Her companion laughed. "Let me clarify things for you. I helped you, and now I need your help in return."

Rinoa folded her arms. _I knew this was coming. _"Okay, you _did _help me out, so…what is it you want?"

Her crimson lips curled into at smile. "My request is simple. I want to be with the one I love again."

"What? I'm sorry, but I-"

"If you had lost someone you loved dearly, wouldn't you do anything to be with them again?"

"…I guess if it was possible. But I can't go back into the past. I can't help you with that. I'm sorry."

"But you know someone who can."

Thunder grumbled in the background as the realization of what was being asked of her hit Rinoa. She narrowed her eyes. "You're a sorceress, aren't you? That's how you keep invading my dreams."

"Well, it took you long enough, but maybe you're not as naïve as I thought."

Rinoa shook her head suspiciously. "That's impossible! I'm the only one left."

A smirk was the only response Rinoa received.

"You do know that no one but you can survive Time Compression? Or is that really what you want?"

She rolled her eyes. "That's just a myth. How can you take the word of someone who has never experienced what their talking about? When time becomes compressed, I'll finally get to be with him again, not just look at him through another's eyes."

"And how do you know that what you say is true? You haven't been through it either!"

The woman chuckled and shrugged. "Just call it a hunch."

Rinoa was infuriated. It was like Ultimecia all over again. Just when things are going fine, someone always comes along to tear her sense of security to shreds.

"You aren't a sorceress. You're a monster that wants to compress time for her own selfish reasons, destroying everything and everyone in the process!"

"Monster?! Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

"I would never drag Ellone into anything like that!" Rinoa yelled.

"Not even if you had lost Squall?"

That silenced Rinoa, as expected, making her rival laugh evilly. As if on cue, the thunder rolled again "Cat got your tongue?"

Rinoa lowered her head, her hair shielding her face. She clenched her fist hard and willed her control to return. "…If it was his time to go, I would just have to accept it and move on." she replied quietly.

"You don't sound very convincing, Rinoa. I think otherwise." The woman began walking slow, taunting circles around Rinoa as she spoke. "As a matter of fact, I _know _otherwise. If Squall had been killed, you would do everything in your power to bring him back. Even if that meant compressing time."

"I'll never help you do that. And neither will Ellone!" Her growing fury caused her to tremble uncontrollably.

"Oh, you'll help me, in fact, it'll be you who initiates it."

Her head snapped up revealing angry eyes. "What makes you so certain that I would do anything like that?"

The woman smiled and shrugged again. "Call it a hunch."

"That's it! I am fed up with the crazy dreams, the riddles, and the mind games! How do you know all of this, and for the last time, _who are you_?" she yelled.

Just as before, the woman turned to leave. "See for yourself. And this time, _wake…up…_"

__________________________________

Rinoa awoke from her dream abruptly by a loud thunderclap. It was still dark, and instead of turning on a light and hurting her eyes, Rinoa felt her way to her bathroom to retrieve some aspirin. Her dream had given her a splitting headache. When she reached the sink, she turned on the cold water and attempted to wet her face, only to find that somehow she had managed to wrap herself in her sheets. Or so she thought.

Opening her eyes, she found that it was actually morning, and that the dark fabric covering her head had blocked the light. She looked down toward her feet, expecting to see her white sheets wrapped around her body, but instead she found herself wearing a dark cloak. She had nothing like this in her closet, yet the garment was eerily familiar. Fear instantly crept into her as she remembered their conversation and the woman's parting words. (_Who are you?…__** Have you looked in the mirror lately?… **__You're a sorceress, aren't you?… __**This time, wake…up!) **_With trembling hands, Rinoa slowly lifted the hood…and was met with her own eyes. Like a scene from a horror movie, her mind's eye replayed everything about the mystery woman, every subtle hint; her eerily familiar voice, the shape of her body, the feathers in her hair that were identical to Rinoa's. Even the fact that she knew what would happen when their bond was complete. What was once such a mystery was now so painfully obvious. _Oh Hyne, this can't be happening! That woman, that __**monster**__, is…me!_

________________________________________________________________________

"Commander Leonhart, Sir?" Squall heard a small voice call through his thick office door.

"Come in." he said in a gruff tone. Things were so slow that, for once, he had finished all of his paperwork and was in the middle of a heated round of internet chess and didn't want to be disturbed. When his door opened, he was surprised to see a young cadet. He knew it wasn't Rinoa before the door opened, but usually the cadets, especially the younger ones, kept their distance.

"Sir, um, I-I just came past t-to say that…that I…"

Squall leaned forward and rested his arms on his desk, still listening to the girl's incessant rambling. He was becoming more irritated with every word, but said nothing. Rinoa often scolded him on snapping at cadets. Damn Rinoa.

_____________________________

Rinoa stared into the mirror in disbelief. The tears that had welled in her eyes spilled over as she let out a piercing scream and smashed the mirror with her fists. Shattered glass slashed and punctured her flesh, yet she couldn't feel the pain.

______________________________

"I mean it was past curfew, b-but I was training, and then-"

"What is your student ID number?" he cut in.

"Um, 92-1648...sir."

Squall typed the numbers into the computer database. "Kirsten Wilco?"

Kirsten saluted. "Yes sir."

"Starting Monday you are to begin Public Speaking as an elective, and for you, it _is _mandatory. Now _slowly _tell me what you have to say."

"Okay. I think something is wrong with Rinoa."

"What do you mean? What's wrong with her?" he said, instantly rising from his chair so quickly that it startled Kirsten.

"Uh…uh, it's j-just that, that night when I was training… I-It could have been nothing…"

"_**Slowly**_!"

"O-ok… Does Rinoa sleepwalk?"

________________________

Rage, fear, contempt, confusion, and helplessness all fought for dominance in Rinoa's mind. In a blind fury, she tore the cloak from her slender frame. With strength previously unknown, she ripped its thick fabric into jagged pieces, screaming incoherent phrases and obscenities at it through her sobs. Although it offered a release, her ire wasn't yet satisfied.

__________________________

Squall shifted his eyes and thought for a second. Kirsten watched as his eyes flitted from the now forgotten papers on his desk, to the computer screen, the door, and several other places. Squall's mind worked frantically yet he could recall no instances of her sleepwalking. The only time that it _looked_ like she was sleepwalking was when…

…_When she was possessed._

Once again, his mind worked overtime to come up with some other explanation, yet in his heart he knew the painful truth. As much as she wanted to deny it, she is still a sorceress and, therefore, is still vulnerable.

The young cadet was becoming increasingly nervous with the Commander's silence.

"…S-sir? Are you-"

"When did this happen?" he cut her off.

"Just last night. I-I saw her leaving the campus, but I swear I didn't take a step out of-"

"Did you say anything to her?"

"Um… I was going to, but-"

"Did she say anything to you?"

Kirsten shook her head. Squall found it harder to breathe with every passing moment, and his heart and throat constricted with his next question…

_____________________________

Shards from the ceramic glass she kept at her sink flew through the air when Rinoa flung it into the shower wall, one of them slicing her delicate cheek. She angrily pulled down the shower curtain, its thin and brightly colored plastic tearing easily. Having used so much force to pull it down, she tumbled to the floor when it gave way. Rinoa curled into a ball on the cold linoleum and pondered whether or not she had finally gone mad as thoughts of suicide entered her head for the first time in her life…

__________________________

"How did she look?" Squall asked, his voice wavering. He watched in horror as she mimicked what she saw Rinoa do the night before; her head was limp, her body slouched, and most disturbingly, her eyes vacant.

"…Like this." _Just like how Rinoa looked on the Lunar Base…_

"Tell _no one _of what you saw. Dismissed." Without a second thought, he fled the room, leaving a confused Kirsten in his wake.

_____________________________

Squall barely waited for the green light to signal that Rinoa's door was opened before he stormed inside. It had taken him several tries with his master key to open her dorm, the fear of what he would be faced with when he entered causing his hands to shake. At first glance everything looked normal, until he saw the few pieces of broken glass littering the floor by her bathroom. He quickly moved to the door. The sound of glass breaking under his footsteps and his pounding heart were deafening in the silent room. When he reached the bathroom, he prayed that the GF's would take away _this_ memory.

Rinoa lay in a crumpled heap on the floor with her arms crossed protectively across her chest. She was surrounded in broken glass and shredded clothing material. Her gaze was unfocused, her expression blank, her lips mouthing something indecipherable. What was most disturbing of all was the blood that was smeared on her arms and face. Spots of blood also stained the walls.

…_What the hell happened?!_

________________________________________________________________________

"Ow!"

Rinoa yelped when Squall pulled another shard of glass from the side of her hand with a pair of tweezers, and tried unsuccessfully to pull her hand away from his grasp. Being the stronger of the two, Squall held fast and glared at her through narrowed eyes. Instead of arousing any suspicions from Dr. Kadowaki, he decided to tend to Rinoa himself. He was trained in first aid, after all, and didn't have time to answer any questions as to how Rinoa had gotten injured.

"This wouldn't hurt so much if you would keep still." he mumbled. His brow was furrowed as he concentrated on removing the last of the glass from her hand. When it was finally removed he gently cleaned the dried blood from her wounds. Rinoa watched as he carefully dressed her hand in gauze. "Leave that on for a few hours until the bleeding stops. After that, just be careful when you wash your hands. If it starts to hurt too bad just take some aspirin."

Rinoa mumbled her thanks and moved to get up but was still caught in Squall's grasp. "I'm not done." he said in an angry tone. She had been dreading explaining to him what had happened. He had taken so long to ask her that she actually thought she was off the hook. Sitting back down, she lowered her eyes and prepared for the coming lecture. Instead he lifted both of her bandaged hands to his face and, to her surprise, tenderly kissed each one. Rinoa closed her eyes at the gesture and willed her sudden tears not to fall. He would be an excellent father. _If only he could live long enough for it to happen…_

"What are you hiding from me?" Squall's voice sounded pained and it sent a shiver of guilt through Rinoa's body. There was no point in trying to lie to her Knight because he already knew, so she did the next best thing: avoided the question.

"I was expecting you to yell at me." she said softly.

"Why do you think I've been silent for the past hour? I've been trying _not _to yell at you. Stop avoiding the question."

"What makes you think I'm hiding something?"

Squall sighed hard. She always picked the _perfect _times to be difficult. "Because I haven't heard your thoughts in my head all day. You're trying not to think because I'll pick up on something. Stop avoiding the question! What is it?"

In her heart, Rinoa knew he was right. She had been trying to mask the reason behind her breakdown. The perks of their bond were sometimes a blessing and a curse. Sometimes her heart would melt when she found out that all the times he would stare at her for no apparent reason he was really marveling at how much he loved her, and other times like now, she wished their minds were still closed to one another. At least then she had privacy. At least then she could hide.

Rinoa looked into his eyes and began. "Would you do anything for me?"

Squall tilted his head. He wasn't expecting to hear something like that. "Yes."

"Would you… If it were to protect me… Would you kill for me?"

His voice lowered. "Yes. I already have."

Rinoa looked away and fell silent as her mind's eye flashed to dozens of slain Galbadian soldiers. She knew this was no memory of hers, but that of Squall's. Suddenly the future sorceress's actions didn't seem as monstrous as she had first believed. How many soldiers had Squall killed to protect her in Timber, in Deling City, in Garden itself? Her logic was warped, but she wasn't a monster. Once upon a time, she was human. A human that loved deeply and would do _anything_ for the one they loved, even kill another.

Just like Squall.

Just like Rinoa.

"Rinoa?" His deep voice brought her out of her thoughts and back to the conversation.

She lifted her eyes to meet his and the tears she had been trying to hold back escaped.

"Would you… die for me?" she asked, her voice nearly inaudible.

Just as vehemently he answered, "Yes."

Why did Squall feel like the time bomb sitting in his stomach was about to go off?

"I-I think you… I wish you wouldn't, Squall, but I can't stop it because…" She couldn't find the strength to finish. How do you tell someone…

"What, Rin?" He placed his hands on her shoulders and made her face him. "Tell me what?"

How do you tell someone…

"Because it's already happened."

…That they're going to die?

_________________________________

Squall's hand paced the length of Rinoa's back, effectively settling her. Finally she had fallen into a fitful sleep and he wished he could follow behind. How could he sleep now after hearing what he had tonight?

Rinoa told him everything. Every dream she had, everything she was told by this mystery sorceress. Even about her knight's untimely death.

"_What?" was all he could manage to say. His Adam's apple bobbed as he tried to swallow the bile that suddenly rose in his throat. What the hell did she mean by that?!_

"_You don't make it, Squall." Her voice wavered with every word. "You were murdered while trying to protect me." _

_He wasn't afraid of death. Many SeeD's weren't. There was a morbid joke of Garden's that 'all SeeD's have an invisible expiration date on their packaging'. Besides, he didn't concern himself with what would happen in the life after, he had enough worries in this one. He even figured he would die in battle anyway, unless he retired before that could happen. But what happened to everything going right after Ultimecia was defeated? His life, their lives, were finally starting to go right, and now 'he's not going to make it'?!_

"_I refuse." He said angrily._

"_What?"_

"_I refuse to believe that, and you should too!"_

Instinct made him hold her closer as he remembered the fight that followed. _His _Rin was not a monster. She wasn't Ultimecia, no matter how much the rumors said otherwise. Someone else wanted to compress time, not Rinoa.

"_How can I choose to ignore that, Squall?! She knew about our bond!"_

"_So because she knew __**one **__thing, you're taking __**everything **__she says as truth?"_

"_Why would she lie about something like that?"_

"_Hyne, Rinoa! Do you hear yourself? You're damning me to die!"_

He couldn't recall ever yelling at her the way he did tonight. And now thinking back on it he felt terrible. She didn't deserve it, being the messenger and all, but he had to get through to her somehow. He refused to believe it, and he needed her to feel the same.

"_That's not how it is and you know it!"_

"_Ok. You may not wish me to die but you sure are taking some random bitch's side instead of mine!"_

"_That bitch is me, Squall! We are the same person-"_

"_You are __**not the same!**__"_

He couldn't recall ever cursing around her either, or her cursing around him for that matter. He didn't know she knew how.

"_You mean to tell me you believe that, Rin? You believe that you and that… woman, are the same?"_

_Her breath caught in her throat and he could tell her tears would soon follow. She didn't answer._

"_You do believe it, don't you?" He asked solemnly. _

_Rinoa wrapped her arms around herself and looked away. Her voice thick with emotion, she muttered, "What other explanation can their be?"_

_Squall walked toward her, removed her arms from around her waist, and wrapped them around his. Almost instantly he felt large teardrops slide down his chest. _

"_Listen, Rin. I know you're scared of what may happen, of what may happen to me or of what you could become. But I need you to believe in me. Believe in us!"_

The apology that followed was unspoken, but understood. Fear masked in rage had caused both of them to say things more harshly than necessary. But they needed to be said. He had protected her before, and he would do it again. He may not have a plan, but he wouldn't lose. He couldn't lose.

"_I can't protect you if you don't have faith in me. I can't do this without you."_

Somehow they had ended up in her bed. He couldn't remember exactly how, but the trail of clothing they left told their own story. They were both afraid of what the future held for them, and found comfort in forgetting, if only for a while. They found comfort in each other.

Squall felt Rinoa's awareness rising as she woke from her place on his chest. They smiled tiredly at each other as blue light slowly swirled around her, then disappeared into her body, followed by Rinoa whispering something that he would thank her for later.

"Sleep."

His body instantly relaxed into the bed, his head falling to rest on top of hers.

***

Betcha didn't see that one coming! (ok maybe you did, but you weren't sure, were you?)

As always, have a heart, please review!


	12. I Just Know

Sorry for such a long wait. I don't have any more chapters pre-written so your reading this in real time (sort of).

Thanks to all my readers in Malaysia. I'm another step closer to world domination. Special thanks to Jon, Jayliyah, Dream Silver Haze, Mayonaka no Ame, and Kaitlin Green Astro Ranger for the super mega awesome reviews. You guys all rock!!!

So anyway, the track for this chapter is music from the game play itself. It's called Drifting, and if you played the game, it's the music that plays when you get to the White SeeD ship. Very sad music so it fits. iTunes or youtube it if you want to listen along.

Ok, enough talk…

* * *

_**Chapter Twelve: I Just Know**_

Squall Leonhart does not get sick.

That's what he kept telling himself, hoping that his ailing body would believe his thoughts. Yet it proved him wrong as another bout of coughing sent another wave of soreness into his limbs. He had refused the trip to the Infirmary visit that Rinoa suggested he make this morning, remarking on Kadowaki's not so gentle manner of examination. He had refused the retch-inducing cold medicine she had offered him, claiming that orange juice would suffice. He had even refused the bed rest she insisted he needed, reminding her that he wasn't a helpless child that needed mothering.

Now he regretted it. Every part of his body hurt, and he felt horrible. But pride was a powerful thing.

It was also what eventually landed him in the Infirmary anyway.

After her classes, Rinoa checked in on Squall at his office, with a carton of juice and a sandwich in hand, only to find his head face down on what was once a neat stack of proposals. By the sound of his congested snore, he was sound asleep. _Squall asleep on the job? Yeah, he's sick alright, _she thought with a chuckle. She sat the items down on the empty receptionists desk, he insisted he didn't need one of those either, and moved to get a closer look at her patient.

He looked so peaceful. Upon further inspection, he also looked extremely pale. The sweat that had beaded on his skin had made clumps of his hair to plaster to his face. Rinoa smoothed his hair away from his face only to find that, despite the arctic temperature of the room, and the fact that he had stripped down to his white tank, his skin was searing.

It sounded like he was underwater as her muddled voice perforated his slumber. He didn't remember falling asleep.

"Squall, wake up!"

He was forced into an upright position and a glass was shoved into his face.

"You need to drink something. You look dehydrated."

Now that she mentioned it, his lips felt chapped and his throat like sandpaper. Weakly he attempted to take the glass of juice, nearly spilling it on himself after finding it was a lot heavier than it looked. Thankfully her reflexes compensated for his lack thereof.

Squall finished the juice quickly, the citrus burning and soothing his raw throat at the same time. She poured him another glass, and after making sure he could hold it on his own, she walked swiftly to his restroom and drenched the nearby drying cloth with cold water. Rinoa quickly returned to his side and began wiping the sweat from his face and neck.

The cold moisture felt like heaven. The room was so hot…

He opened his red tinged eyes to gaze upon his impromptu caretakers face. She looked worried and scared. Why?

"I'm not sick, Rin." His voice was scratchy.

And pride rears it's ugly head…

"You need to see the doctor, Squall."

"No." His speech was drawled.

"At least lay down for a while. You'll get stiff if you stay like this any longer."

Slowly, he rose to his feet. Rinoa cringed as it seemed like every joint in his body popped from the tension of being hunched over for so long. She tried to help him walk over to the couch along the side wall of his office, but being the proud man that he is, he half-heartedly shook her hand away and mumbled a disgruntled 'I can do it'. So while he slowly trudged across the room, she went for the first aid kit that was required to be in every room at Garden. She returned to find him on the couch curled nearly into a ball, trembling. _I thought he was hot…_ Pushing the thought aside, she held the thermometer in front of his face. He scowled at it, and at her for what she was implying him to do, but parted his lips just enough for her to slide the plastic covered tip under his tongue.

"I'm cold," he muttered.

"I would imagine so! You have the a/c on full blast. And stop talking, I know you're trying to make the temperature read lower than it is," she ordered while adjusting the climate control.

"…"

The beeping thermometer brought Rinoa quickly back to Squall's side. As soon as she removed it, he fell into another coughing spell. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he felt the feeling of dread pour off of her.

"Hyne, Squall…" she sighed.

"What does it say?"

"…103. I'm calling Dr. Kadowaki."

"I'll be fine." he called weakly after her. She scoffed at his stubbornness and called down to the Infirmary.

_________________________________

He _hated _this place.

And after having his body poked and prodded, light shined into his eyes, coughing repeatedly and painfully while she listened through an icy stethoscope, submitting his urine, and worst of all, having a long q-tip shoved halfway down his trachea, he hated this place and everything it stood for.

At least Rinoa wasn't around, especially for the last part. He didn't want her to witness some of his manhood being stolen from him in the name of medicine.

A half hour later, Rinoa joined his bedside to hear the cause of his sickness; Trabian Flu. It was the equivalent of Bronchitis on steroids. Of all the things he could come down with, in the middle of summer, it had to be that. He was immediately admitted, much to his ire, and after four hours of yelling, threats, cursing, ripping an IV catheter from his arm, and general non-compliancy, he was discharged. The terms were of course that his fever would go down by three degrees, and he would keep the second IV in his arm.

It felt good to be back in his own bed. The cots in the Infirmary were hard and they hurt his back. He turned his head to see Rinoa hang up his phone. Ellone had called to check in with Squall before her train en-route to Balamb reached the submerged tunnel that linked the continents. She would arrive within the next day or two. Squall watched as she started gathering her textbooks and uniform jacket, preparing to leave. Kadowaki had given her stern instructions to help him settle back in his room and then leave promptly, just in case he was still contagious. A gentle smile graced her lips as she once more caressed his slightly cooler but still damp face. It pained her to leave him like this.

"Will you be ok by yourself for the night?" she asked teasingly.

"…"

"I'll be back in a few hours, ok?" She meant that literally. It was already two in the morning. Just as she reached the door, she felt his mind call out to her, ever so quietly. _Don't go… _

Rinoa turned back around. Squall was curled into a ball again, his back facing her. "You're still here." He mumbled. It was more of a statement than a question.

"And you're still stubborn. If you want me to stay, it's ok to ask. Do you want me to stay?"

"… …"

"Whatever." They said in unison. Rinoa giggled. Squall would always be Squall, sick or not.

"I'll take that as a yes." She sat her things back down, disrobed, and turned off the lone table lamp in the room.

"I'm cold."

She smiled in response. When she finally climbed into his bed, he turned toward her and drew her close to his chest. His aching body began to relax as her slender fingers caressed his back. He held her closer and whispered, "I love you, Rin." Before she could return the gesture, he was asleep.

_________________________________

Rinoa awoke the next morning and stretched her limbs only to find she was alone. And… angry? Disbelief and cold hatred flooded her senses as she looked around the room for answers. Finally her confused eyes landed on Squall.

Sitting on the floor, fully clothed on the other side of the room, gripping the hilt of his Gunblade in his trembling hands, and the business end pointed in her direction.

"…Squall?" She couldn't keep her voice from wavering. Why was he acting this way? Was it because of the virus he contracted? Whatever it was it was terrifying. The apparent fear in her eyes was heart wrenching, but he stood firm.

Rinoa slowly sat up and went to move toward him, her hands held up submissively.

"S-Squall-"

"STAY WHERE YOU ARE!" He yelled. She instantly shrank back against the wall. No matter how powerful he became over the past couple years, never had she feared him until this morning.

"Squall… I know this is the virus talking, and not you, but please, _please _put your Gunblade down." He still didn't move, but his eyes revealed the inner turmoil that she knew his mind was going through. _That's it! I know I can reach him through our bond…_ Rinoa extended her awareness toward him only to be met with excruciating pain in her frontal lobe as he threw up a mental barrier.

Squall quickly stood to his feet, the point of his blade never leaving her direction. "You will not control me." He muttered coldly. "Get dressed."

Tears slid down her face and her chest heaved silent sobs as she followed his orders. Once she was dressed, she chanced speaking again. "Squall, what has gotten into you? It's me, Rinoa!"

"You mean what has gotten into _you_!"

"Wha-what are you talking about?" She pleaded.

"Rinoa, _you are possessed!_"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Rinoa felt her world start to spin. "Wha…? That's… that's impossible! Squall, I am the only sorceress left! How do you figure I'm possessed?"

He mentally debated revealing how he was so sure of what was happening. After a minute of silence, much to Rinoa's ire, he decided it was too risky to say.

Truth was that not only could he feel it, but he could _hear _that something was wrong. Chalk it up to their newfound mental abilities, but whenever she was near and everything around them was very quiet, he could hear her. Not just her breathing or her movement, but her soul. It sounded like the most subtly beautiful wind chimes. Calming, non-intrusive, serene…

Now the chords sounded off key. There were extra notes that were dark and ugly.

Instead, he gave her a grave and vague, "I just know."

Suddenly, immense pressure bear down on her entire body. With everything in her she tried to fight the unseen force from within her. Squall watched her internal struggle as her hands flew to her head and she let out an piercing scream. She dropped to the floor and writhed in pain, her body jerking in ways that he knew should be causing her a considerable amount of pain. Her eyes flashed repeatedly between brown and gold as the war within her waged on, and he found himself silently willing her to fight it. For everyone's sake, she had to win.

Yet he watched on in horror as his only love, his Rin, the one he vowed to protect, lost her battle with the evil within.

***

Squall's Whatever count: 5

If you're wondering why this chapter moved slowly at first, just remember everything happens for a reason. So, what do you think? Really?? Review and let me know. Maybe you can influence where I go with this. Till next time!


	13. My deepest apologies

T_T

I'm so ashamed...

My deepest apologies to all my readers for my sudden and long term hiatus. I am actually still alive. A lot has happened in this past year including, but not limited to, my laptop crashing and destroying all my story notes, plot, and chapters 13 and 14 of 'What If". I'll spare you the violin accompanied sob story.

I would like to send a very special thanks to Dream Silver Haze and Mayonaka no Ame. You both sent me encouraging emails and I did not forget about you!

Anyways, I am back to writing. A re-write of Chapter 13 should be posted by the end of the month, with the story being completed by the end of the year. A sequel is buzzing around in my head like angry hornets.

Thanks in advance for reading and reviewing!

Lemon-Chan


End file.
